Day 89 - Discipline

Let us define the word discipline; develop behaviour by instruction and practice; especially to teach self-control. 

Simply said; it is to make up your bed in the morning without your mother telling you to do so.

It is that self-movement behind your decisions, meaning if today you decide to start jogging every morning at 6am, then you need the discipline to wake up at 6am every day. Get dressed and go jogging.

What do I mean by the self-movement behind your decisions? Well this is that little person in your head, that’s not really there because it is you, your essence, that makes a decision so you can actually make a decision – meaning practically living it and following through on it, otherwise known as a useless thought that is just bugging you for it shows you your lack of discipline.

How many times in your life have you ever had those late-night-bed-time-thoughts? Where you wake up the next morning with nothing changed, but in your mind the previous night you were so motivated and ready to take on the world, to be a better person, to help others, to achieve your dreams, but, just nothing the following day. That happens because you were only in your mind, instead of sleeping, to where you can wake up the next day, be disciplined toward yourself, and actually do these things you did not think about, and change your world.

You learn this new way of discipline by starting small, setting up a task for yourself to do every day for the next 3 to 4 weeks, for instance, looking at myself, I started with making up my bed, I succeeded. After this small task you’ll start to see, hey I can do it, and so you start with your second small task, let’s say you never ate breakfast in the morning, so now, again, start small. Eat a light meal every morning, get that metabolism working.

After this, you’ll get that realisation again, again! You’ll see that you can do anything that is possible, in the physical, as here, as YOU, as YOU are making these decision now, making (creating) that self-movement, and so apply it in you practical everyday life. This new sense of discipline obviously requires you to take small steps - as one will not jump into the middle of the ocean not knowing how to swim yet. So, Instead of losing hours of sleep thinking about motivational shit, and not gaining anything from it, except for disappointment the day after, go to sleep, get your rest in and get your discipline in order.

Day 88 - Not filling the shoes, Part 3

When and as I see myself being triggered into a rush of thoughts due to the fact that I am in a group of people, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I have stumbled upon a flag point, and that I have to ground myself within the physical reality, by focusing on my body and my movement to be here, through breathing, so I can slow down and see my change in my own movement and correct it.

When and as I see myself acting as a grown-up, and instead of just being myself I stop, I breathe. I realise that I am now just pretending to be something I am not, and by realising this I can drop the act and be self-directive instead, directing my movement, my words and my whole being.

When and as I see myself feeling small and weak, not being able to “fill the shoes” I stop and I breathe, I realise that this is just an experience because of thoughts that I am having/participating within, and by seeing this I can stop these thoughts, let them go, and take on the self-responsibility and self-direction and move myself forwards into these “shoes” and fill them.

When and as I see myself doubting myself in the case of taking on a responsibility I stop and I breathe, I realise that by the mere fact of doubt that I have within myself will hinder my ability to deliver the task at hand successfully, so within this realisation I can let go of the doubt, and start trusting myself that I will be able to do the task at hand.

When and as I see myself relying on my appearance to make an “big and bold” first impression I stop and I breathe, I realise that this “big and bold” appearance is not just defined by looks, but also by the words spoken and the actions performed by an individual, thus by moving myself within the moment as the physical, self-direction, I will already generate the effect need to “impress” clients, and get the job done.

I commit myself to move within the physical, as breathe, by being here, have my attention out of mind, and in the physical to control my reality and move it toward my set goal.

I commit myself to let go of any doubt I might experience within myself due to thoughts, and allow myself to be here, to support myself by bringing my attention to the physical reality by focusing on my what is here, to implement this I can start focusing on my fingers and toes, expanding my awareness over my whole body.

I commit myself to walk my path of live within the principle of self-direction and self-responsibility, where as any challenges I may find to take them on and move myself to pass the challenge and grow, to “fill” the “shoes” that is needed to be “filled”. 

Day 87 - Not filling the shoes, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be triggered into these thoughts and feelings through thinking about “how I am supposed to be” when and around other people, giving me a rush of thoughts on how I am supposed to be when around other people (or grown-ups) and then acting accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by this reaction/trigger point that I actually change my behaviour, start “acting” grown up, and in the same time hitting some nerves which sometimes make me feel like I can’t fill the shoes, or that I am going to lose myself within them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be smaller than this world, to believe that I need to be big to be able to fill myself with the world, and because of this thought/experience, I feel that I can’t fill the shoes, and take self-responsibility and direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create doubt within myself because of this experience, and through having this doubt not allowing myself to move myself forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need to be a grown-up to be able to do what “grown-up” people do, instead just be myself, obviously according to where I am, for instance a meet – be professional.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need decades of experience, just to show someone a better way at doing things – learning – and not trust myself where I can actually just show them with real time proof.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not appear as a strong/bold person, due to my past experiences, thus define myself as weak, and life up to this experience, whereas I can easily recreate the image I need in an instance – in the physical as here.

Day 86 - Not filling the shoes

So, here I am again same point as in realisation of self, in some degree. This time I am still in the third person view of my life and my reality. Here the problem start with me having to act and be grown up, filling the shoes of responsibility. Meaning with my work I have to do, and all my other random things in my life, for instance taking self-direction and self-responsibility to build my life, and create my life for what I want and need out of it to live and be free!

Here I experience this feeling of having shoes, massive in size, and I have to step into them. As I do, I feel like my substance of my existence, everything within me, myself, are just not enough to fill these shoes. How does a child fill them all up with such a small body/substance? Even though I am 23 years old (In a few days) I still feel like a kid, a child. A person who should not yet take on such responsibilities of life, controlling and taking direction of self with, steering the ship of life through the crackling storm that life has to offer. How does grown-ups do this, what or who is a grown up? I am an adult, does that make me a grown up? What am I? Why can’t I fill these shoes to take on life as I am supposed to?

How do I walk up to someone 20 years older than me, talk to them as if I have the knowledge/experience of the world, and offering them something beneficial for their family, and taking the responsibility of their children’s future for that short time I spend with them into my hands?

How to appear strong and bold, be the authority in a sense that is not offensive, but instead be directive? How to fill these shoes, if it feels like I am a 10 year old kid still? 

Day 85 – Realisation of self, Part 3

When and as I see myself not living in wholeness within myself but in separation I stop and I breathe. I realise that by living in such condition will only create conflict within myself and my self-acceptance., so as and when I see this appearance within myself I stop, I take a breath, and I direct myself in the physical to ground myself within acceptance of self.

When and as I see myself not accepting my patterns and beliefs as my own, I stop and I breathe, I realise by not accepting my creations as my own, I am only living in conflict within myself, and by this will create resistance whereas I will not be able to change myself effectively that is best for me and for all.

When and as I see myself comparing my reality and what I do in my reality with those of others, I stop and I breathe, I realise that by comparing realities will not give me the solutions or motivations required to be able to move myself, and this comparison will only create conflict and envy within myself.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to accept the ideas of others, that in return will define me, I stop and I realise that these ideas that others have of me, does not determine who I am nor does it define me for what a kind of person I am.

When and as I see myself falling into the realm of automation within myself, and not being in self-direction and responsibility I stop and I breathe, I take a deep breath in, and out, to ground myself as here in the physical, and take on the challenge of self-responsibility and direction to move myself forward.

When and as I see myself believing I am who I am within these patterns that I exists off, and that these patterns needs to be enhanced to increase or better my living experience, I stop and I breathe to realise that this is in fact not who or what I am, or need to enhance myself, thus I should stop myself, and bring myself to the physical, as here.

I commit and allow myself as who and what I am in this particular moment in time, to accept all my creations within my mind, to walk within these pattern, see the flaws, and by seeing/realising these flaws, then accordingly change/apply corrective application as applicable to become a being of life, as a living expression.

I commit and allow myself to be here, in the physical, be awareness, be life, to live my utmost potential for what is best for all.

Day 84 - Realisation of self, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to life in separation with myself and not accepting myself for who and what I am when I am communicating with people, to not accept these “specific” patterns as my own and who I am in that particular moment of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this is the pattern that makes me for who I am and that only when this pattern of self and communication shows, only then am I myself, in my element as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life as a third person viewer, believing that things will happen in my life automatically, by just observing instead of actually being here in the physical and directing my own life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with other people to see how they are moving and I am not, and by doing this feels like life is just passing by me with no interesting things happening.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let other people define me for who I am by pointing out these moments where I am on my best, and by that acting out my life as who I am instead of actually be myself, whoever that may be without these patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a person that is not in direct control within my own life, that I am not the sole person walking in the moment of here in the physical and as self-direction and self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I haven’t yet accepted and allowed myself to accept myself  and all my patterns and creations of who I am as truly mine, and from that point on forward be able to stand as myself, and change where change is needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am who I am because of these specific patterns and that I should always keep them and improve on them to enhance my experience as who I am, instead of just walking in the physical as here.

I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to accept my patterns/believes as my equal, that I am them as they are me, to be able to change them without resistance.