Tuesday 27 May 2014

Day 1 – Addiction


Every day I awake at around 7am in the morning, then I have to do the horse’s stall which is assign to me and this consist of basically cleaning it up. I have no problem with this, but my addiction to watch series makes this a problem.

Now my day schedule is very easy to follow actually, I wake up, do horse’s stalls, eat and get ready until 8am, then work on the farm up until 12pm. The rest of the afternoon I have time for myself until 4pm whereas I have to get the horse’s stall ready, with the evening to do anything I want, if I don’t have food to prepare.

Now, you can probably imagine what I do with all this time off during the day, I watch series. What happens before 12pm? I am busy working on the farm with a mind rambling off about these series and how bad I want to watch them.

In every moment of me doing my physical work, I think of how fast and quickly I can get done with it to be able to sit in front of a computer watching something. This leads to me doing work halfway through, not being in the moment breathing and enjoying what I do, and be distracted by some invisible string pulling me to the computer where my “Heaven” is.

This has caused me to learn my work presentation in about 2 weeks, and not in a few days, as I am capable of doing. Why? Because I had a distracted mind when something was explained to me, where as I did not need a second explanation to, but did have to ask a second time because of this distraction/addiction I have to watch a simple series.

This addiction has taken away my freedom, gluing me to the computer, keeping me in my room, taking away my communication skills, because I was not using it, I was even scared  to talk over a phone when I had to call someone to create my first business appointment.

This week things are better, I broke through the barriers, I distracted myself with responsibilities, and other things to get my body and eyes away from the computer, I breathed through the moments where I physically worked on the farm, expressing myself, and as time went by, the addiction was fading, but not gone. Still need to deal with it, completely. 

3 comments:

  1. Hi Julian. Very cool to see you blogging! I have had this exact addiction in the exact same way. Something that I have found is that my starting-point within the addiction to watching series, partly had to do with the fact that I was running away from something in my mind/life/myself and as such using series as an 'escape' similar to drugs or sleeping or alcohol. The other part had to do with the energetic experience I was deriving from watching series, an experience of 'escaping' but also an idea of 'relaxing' and 'letting go'. BUT as you've probably also experienced, I would then feel shitty about myself and feel so bad, so it became this cycle of polarity, feeling good doing something where I knew I was compromising myself only to feel bad afterwards. So a solution that I've found for myself is to only watch series when it is not compromising another responsibility. I actually use my tablet and then can sit and do some work while I watch series or for example wait until I am too tired to do other stuff anyway, where watching series is then a real point of taking a moment to rest and relax with myself. What has assisted me most was to redefine my priorities and realize that it is not worth it to watch series all day long when I feel so shitty about it. So I've been able to now establish a much more practical relationship to watching series - which low and behold has actually had the effect that I don't even want to do it as much and I can also turn it off, even in the middle of an episode, if I see that I have something more important to do.

    Thanks for sharing.

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  2. thanks you for sharing Julian. reading about your experience is supportive for me in my process.

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