Thursday 12 March 2015

Day 95 - Sum 41, Part 3

When and as I see myself longing back to my past, and feel that a part of me is missing, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is an memory of the past and only attachments of the past and that these attachments will only hinder me from living in the present to my fullest utmost potential.

So I commit myself to let go of this memory of who I was in the past, and to allow myself to live within the moment of what is here, in the physical reality.

When and as I see myself feeling lost within myself, that there is no one in control of my life, not even me, then I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is a situation where I am not the directing principle within my life, and by not being the one directing myself, I will be lost and not knowing what to do.

So I commit myself to as and when I see this point arise, that I then breathe, to create stability within myself, to be focused on self, and then from that point on directing myself, to be the directing principle of my life.

When and as I see myself being trapped, and not as "free" as I used to be as a child, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am still free, I am not bound to anything, and to see that I am the one in control.

So i commit myself to accept my reality for what it is, and to stop lingering on the past and how things were, and in this instance of realisastion to allow myself to let go of the past and the attachments/ideas I have of it, so that I can live here, in the breathe.

When and as I see myself wanting to revert to my past self, and not accepting my present self, and encourage change from what is here, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this will only create conflict within myself of where I feel that I am not myself, and thus then trying to go back into the past.

So I commit and allow myself to let go of this idea of who I was in the past, and to let go of the person I was in the past, and to instead accept the person for who I am now, and from that point on, within taking self-responsibility change and adjust myself to be the utmost of what I can be.

When and as I see myself dwelling on these songs and the memories of what they bring to me, just to be able to get fix of emotions and attachments, i stop and I breathe, i realise that this will only bring me sadness, and desires of my past and feelings of wanting to go back.

So I commit and allow myself to let go of these attachments and emotions when and as I am listening to these songs, to be able to enjoy the music for what it is, and not for the "fix" of emotions and feelings.

When and as I see myself giving away my power to the emotions and feelings, to such an extend that it "controls" me, I stop and I breathe, I realise that power I give away to these things actually have an physical effect on my body, and its impacting me in a negative way, weakwning my posture.

Also, when and as i see myself giving away my power to these emotions and feeling, I am also letting it (myself) manipulate my environment, and possible others, to show them my "pain" so that they should be "easy" on me, or whatsoever.

So I commit and allow myself to realise that I am the one in control, and thus not giving my power away to these feelings and emotions of my past and how "perfect" it seemed to be, and to allow myself to breathe, to be here, and to be in the physical as life.

When and as I see myself creating comfort within the idea of having lots of money, i stop and I breathe, I realise that money should not be my main focus point of being free, but rather be a tool that can be used to give me freedom to move within place in this world.

So I commit myself to let go of the idea of having lots of money to feel free, and instead start living my life in a sense of where I practice what I preach, which is being free, from inner conflicts and fears.

When and as I see myself taking comfort in the idea of I can always just rely on my parents for support, I stop and I breathe, I realise that by living by this concept i will not only just disable myself from mopving forward, but I will also hinder myself into becoming the greatest, bestest person as I can be, a person that I ought to be, because of this Idea that my parents will always be there to take care and support me.

So i commit myself to let go of this idea, to realise and see that I have to move myself, direct myself and take responsibility for myself to be able to move forward and change the lives of not just everyone I get in contact with, but also my own, in a manner that is best for all.

So again, I commit myself to let go of my past memories of a comforting home, of parents caring, of money always being there for my survival, and start realising that I should be creating my own environment and space, with all of these comforts, but also in the same breathe, be free of it, with no attachments.

 I commit myself to be here, to be aware, to be in the physical reality, in my body, and as my body, within each and every breath I take.

Thursday 5 March 2015

Day 94 - Sum 41, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that the person who I am, or my essence of whom I were in the past is missing, that the person or something behind my thoughts that made me who i am, were no longer there anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lost without that feeling of having something in the behind of my every thought and decision, that presence of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a changed person that is not free anymore because of what happened in my past, and that all these things play a big role in who and what I am today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to go back to that person of who I were back then, and not accept and embrace myself for who I am now, as in the here, in the physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dwell on these emotions and feelings when and as I hear the songs of my bands that I like listening to, or that I used to listen to, and to allow myself to continue down the path of emotions even after I have realised my flag point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my thoughts and feelings control me, in the sense of how I carry myself, how i speak and listen and communicate with other, to try and show them my "pain" in a very indirect way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been controlled by these thoughts and emotions, by the way of how I am reacting to certain photo's, messages, or conversation with other people that I see or interact with.

I forgive ymself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to go back to my childhood memory and not let go of it, which hinders my movement within the physical reality I life within now, and thus also effecting my experience that I have within the moment of here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create attachments and warm comforting memories of my past with these songs that I have listened to when I was younger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was in a world of freedom at that age, to think that I am capable of anything and everything without any consequences, because I am protected by my parent, and by money.

So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find comfort in money, to believe with money i will be set free of everything that is a bother to me, to believe that money will  give me my happiness and freedom, and everything I wish for.

I also forigve myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find comfort within the idea of my mother/father will always be there to protect me and give me lead/direction within life, and that I see them as a safety net for whenever I fail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not wanting to take self-responsibility and direction for myself, and be able to be okay with what I do, even if it does turn out in a scenario of which I will need my parents as a safety net.