Day 34 – Limitations through Tiredness

When and as I see myself creating the effect of being tired through my thought process, I stop and I breathe, within this moment I realise that I am busy creating a limitation, a limitation that will have an effect on me, where it controls me, and creates a false believe within the peoples life around me, making me not as effective and productive as much as I want and need to be.

When and as I see myself creating a limitation based on time periods that I am not home, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I should not define my state of being by the hours out working, instead live in breath, and realise that tiredness in only a limitation.

When and as I see myself giving energy to the thought of tiredness after a long day of work, or after one has worked for 12 hours, I stop and I breathe, I realise this is only a limitation, and one should not be limited to live life by the amount of work they have done.

When and as I see myself wanting to rest after a long day, limiting myself I stop and I breathe. I realise this is a pattern playing out, a pattern that works within the reward system in one’s mind, where one think they deserve to get this time for themselves because of the work they have done, this is purely a point of self-interest.

When and as I see myself standing within separation of reality because of being tired, because of the thought I had about tiredness, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am not here, I am not in the moment, and through not being here life passes me by, making me ineffective in what I do, and want to do.

When and as I see myself not taking self-direction and are being controlled by the thought of tiredness, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am not in control of myself, that I am being controlled and by this will affect my physical body by getting tired, making me ineffective in what I do.

When and as I see myself not wanting to do something because I am “tired” and that this activity is going to take more energy then what I have planned for, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is just a pattern and by following this pattern I will only limit myself in doing the least of what I am capable of doing.

When and as I see myself wanting to play a game of manipulation where I am the only contestant, or maybe not, I stop and I breathe I realise by wanting to manipulate other people with my tiredness I stop and I realise that I am not taking responsibility for my actions and the effects it might have, I realise that I am the only one being fooled, and held behind by this manipulation/game I am participating in.

I commit and allow myself to breathe through the thought of tiredness when it comes up to play within my mind, realising that I have to breathe to be here and not in my room in my bed watching series and being lazy.

I commit and allow myself to stand as one and as equal with this thought of tiredness when it arrive in my mind, to be able to change my direction within this limiting thought in my mind, to let go of it, and to be here in the moment of physical reality, breathing.

I commit and allowed myself to live within each and every moment as it presents itself, to be who I am within this breath of now, and to not be the though of tiredness, laziness, and a procrastinator.

Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 33 – Limitations through Tiredness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a limitation for myself through the thought of tiredness, that I believe myself when I am telling myself that I am tired, for not wanting to do anything but just rest, meaning watching series, browsing the web or playing games.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a limitation with time periods within the time where I am not home, and use that time spent away as a guide to let me know if I want to be tired or not, wanting to fool people to think that I am tired, but only fooling myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that one should be tired after a 12hour day of work, limiting my ability to continue with live, and instead want to sit down and rest, doing what I think is resting, but is not as of the fact that all these fun activities also draws energy, instead of living in the moment as breathe, I rely on energies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by this believe of tiredness to think that if I do an activity that is out of my resting boundaries, I will get tired meaning that I would want to sleep for more than 6 hours to be wide awake and be energetic the next day, meaning I am in a polarity of energies, meaning I am being controlled by these energy, not living in the moment of here and now, where energy does not exist, but only the moment and the moment of now, within the breath as here and now, one does not need energy/rest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe by doing something in a higher degree, where more activity takes place, I will burn myself out and will have the need to sleep, instead of just doing it within the moment when I feel like it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am too tired to continue with my work within the Web Development area because of the long day out I had, instead of taking on the challenge, accepting the responsibility and do it within the moment of breath where one does not need the energies of polarity, taking you on a high, then a low.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking that I can fool other people to believe I am tired, and need a break, whereas I am only fooling myself within this believe, and putting this believe in control of me, directing me to do what I think is right for this moment, instead of breathing, realising that I am here, and stop manipulating other people/myself within this believe of tiredness.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stand as one and as equal with this believe, to realise that I am the one who created this believe, and that I should stand within this believe to be able to –self-direct myself within this believe to change myself to become the effective human being that I am.

Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 32 – Limitations Through Tiredness

I have realised yesterday after a very long day out with work, that I am limiting myself in such a clever but, stupid way. I limit myself through recording my hours that I am not home, doing what I want to do.

Let’s say I go out 8 of the clock in the morning, and come back home again at 8 of the clock, then I have recorded myself to be out for 12 hours, and then I tell myself that I am tired now, I want to rest now, not do anything but rest. Meaning watching series, browsing the web or just play a simple game, not even a real game like an RPG, or FPS, because I am tired, and need to rest myself, whereas I think these games will take too much energy, really Julian?

So this limitation goes on with not only games, it was only an example, but also with everything else I do. I tell myself that I am too tired to work on my Wed Development Project that I have, postponing it to the next day thinking that I will have the energy then, whereas this pattern will just repeat and I will be tired again.

The best part is, I am actually not even tired, I just tell myself this so I will look tired (and then get tired because of this thought) so that other people can see I am tired, and then they realise I am tired where they can say to themselves... “Hey, Julian had a long day of work because look at him he’s tired, so we can excuse him for not doing whatever responsibility he has.” In this instance, my responsibilities are to continue with my Web Development Project and my writings (blog) as I am doing right now.

This thought of tiredness that I send out, limits me, no one else, I’m just busy fooling myself, not even the people around me because they know the principles, they know the limitations and patterns that play out, and know that I have to work on this, push through this and do my part, as an example of living life to the fullest of my potential, as one and as equal.

To basically stop this limitation, to stop thinking that I am tired, to stop procrastination and postponement of my responsibilities, to stand as one and as equal with these creations, systems, patterns and limitations that I have created, and from that point on, change where needs to be changed, to become and effective human being, delivering my utmost potential as life.

Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 31 – Into the Deep, Part 3

When and as I see myself shifting blame around in any way, I stop and I breathe. I realise that I am the one responsible for how I am driving and not the car with its weird gears, I realise by blaming the car will not make me a better driver, or solve my problem, but only take my energy which could have been used to improve my driving skills.

When and as I see myself generating excuses for my actions, I stop and I breathe, I realise that these excuses only makes me on my nerves and does not help me in any direction.

When and as I see myself feeding this believe system where I would go on and believe that I am a quite person, and doesn’t like interacting with other people, I stop and I breathe, I slow down my moment and thought process to see this believe system clearly, to realise that I am not a quit person, but I am also not a loud person, but I am who I am within this moment of breathe, as who I am here and now.

When and as I see myself hesitating on my actions because I want an example before I stumble myself into a situation to experience my own well, experience with the specific situation, I stop and I breathe, i realise that by hesitating to participates within life is an act of the mind, a limitation, a fear, when this is realised, I assist myself through breathing where in the same instance I use SELF-Direction to MOVE forward and do what has to be done.

When and as I see myself depending on my brother to make the first choice in what has to follow next within a situation, I stop and I breathe. I realise that by depending on my brother, I will never be able to move and direct myself forward within this world, but instead stand still. By this realisation, I must part myself from the dependency which I have on my brother, to give him space to be able to move and direct, and in the same instance give this chance to myself aswell.

When and as I see myself depending on anyone in this case, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am responsible for what I am doing with this moment, opportunity that has presented itself, I am the responsible to direct myself within this moment, no one else. I instead stand as one and as equal with this dependency that I have, and from this point on move forward, within self direction.

When and as I see myself being afraid of a situation, a challenge that has presented itself to me, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this might be and opportunity that may never presents itself again, and by me being afraid of this situation will take a chance away from me to live it out, to be able to live my utmost potential.

When and as I see myself not being able to set a goal in place, directly after the goal that has to be achieved has been explained, I stop and I breathe. I realise that my mind was in some other place when the information was given, and by not focusing and hearing what is said, I make myself inefficient to the other people, to the group which I work within, where this will have an effect on my performance, and so my/our goal, all in all by not being here and take in the information, I will not be able to direct myself within the moment of breath.

When and as I see myself being nervous and through this not being able to be clear, i stop and I breathe. I realise that my nervousness is affecting my moment of here, and not. Not living here. So I assist myself through breath, to let myself relax, to let go and be here in this moment taking on any challenge that is presented to me.

When and as I see myself wanting to give away responsibility, not standing up for myself to stand tall and strong, i stop and I breathe. I realise by not taking the responsibility I am not standing as one and as equal with life, with reality, with me nor my brother, creating an inequality within me by putting my brother as higher and stronger as me, seeing him as my big brother, and not as my equal.

I commit and allow myself to be here in this moment, to stand as one and as equal with my responsibilities, challenges and goals, to see when I am not aware of my situation, and from seeing this to act by breathing, bringing myself to the here and now, the physical reality.

I commit and allow myself to stand as one and as equal to my brother, not seeing him as someone bigger or better than me just because he is older than me, or be able to communicate more effectively than I am able to.

I commit and allow myself to take on the responsibility that is given to me, to take the challenge, to be able to integrate information into my body, to be able to live within the moment and to use self-direction without hesitation.

I commit and allow myself to be here, to breathe, to realise that I am here and nowhere else, here as life, a living human being, to live out my utmost potential, unconditionally.

Day 30 – Into the Deep, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not feel the car, and enabling me to drive it with confidence, but blaming the 6 gears and clutch for my baddriving that I am practicing, where as I would generate a feeling of nervousness and then start making mistakes, not being here within the moment of now, and driving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses for why my driving sucks in the new area, and why I am on my nerves instead of being self-honest, get to the point of the problem and deal with it, within the assistance of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a believe system within my mind, that I am a quit person, and through this believe limiting myself from exploring, going out in to the world and be myself and be confident within speech when I have to use it to get information from other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be limited by wanting an example of how something must be done, instead of going out there, doing it myself and explore the world with all it’s possibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not be directive within the moment, but instead waiting on my brother to speak up and make the choice for us, being afraid of what might happen if I go to a building to speak to someone and find out information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for wanting to have no responsibilities, and instead rely on my brother to take the responsibility that we share within that moment, among the three of us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid to take on my own challenges that is given to me, not taking the chance when the window of opportunity presents itself within the moment of discussion, an opportunity for me to explore myself for who I am in a situation where I am being thrown into the “Deep Side” of things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unable to create my goal of what has to be achieved within this day, directly after I have been given the information of my objective, creating the problem where I have no self-direction, or idea what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be clouded by the reaction of nervousness within my body, not being able to move forward with self-direction within the moment as the breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want to rely on my brother, as of the feeling of safety I get, having a small comfort zone bubble with me when he is around, knowing that he will have my back when I can’t control the situation with my speech when dealing with other people, instead of being here, in the moment with self-direction, knowing where I want to go, and what I need to do to get to the end point of this goal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want to look at my brother for an answer, or a solution to the problem, instead of being in the moment, slowing it down, through breathing and see the answer/solution to the problem/challenge and then speak up with what I have realised the solution or answer may be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give the lead of where things are headed in any situation to my brother, instead of standing up for myself, being here in this moment of physical reality and take the lead within walking in self-direction/realisation within each moment of breath to create the outcome of the situation in the way it is needed to be created - the most practical solution.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take on the challenge, the responsibility and the lead whenever the opportunity presents itself, whereas I may have the way to beat the challenge, to overcome it in the best practical way possible.

Day 29 – Into the Deep

Today I am going to talk about being thrown into the deep, within a situation and my struggle to move within this moment, as I have a brother which I am relying on. I went out for a business trip together with my brother and his partner today where as I was given the chance to drive for the first time in 2 months, not knowing the roads, or how the people react and drive within this area, and a new car, with 6 gears and a clutch that’s extremely high. . Whereas I am used to a car with 5 gears, a low clutch and a familiar area where I can predict and know how people will react and drive.

So this was the first instance, it was not so bad but, it did get me to be a little bit nervous while driving and for the rest of the day every time I drive I’d feel these nerves. As the day progressed we got to a point, where as this is the second instance... We had to go see people and that’s all I knew, thought it was an appointment they made, so as we got there my brother and his partner randomly told me that we have to work in groups to go and see people, we have never met or made an appointment with. Remember this is a business trip; we go out and see people to generate leads, to be able to get our product out there, to make a difference, as of the fact that this is an educational software product that we are selling.

They said we need to split up into 3 groups, where we will choose 3 buildings, and then go to the building of choice, and just randomly introduces ourselves to the receptionist telling what and why we are here, putting our goal out there, so that they can get us to a person to speak with, so that we will be able to get into the building and the people working in it, effectively.

Now, the deep side for me is... I am not a person who just goes out and start talking and exploring with random people to sell a product to, this is a believe system that I have created for myself, a limitation, not only within selling stuff, but in general as well. All my life I have told this to myself, and I have no reason why. Is it because I am a quit person? A person that likes being alone, and not around a lot of people? No, this should not be the case, I am only going in there for 5 to 10 minutes to generate a lead and then I am out, no need to be an extrovert for that, just a need for confidence, self-direction and a goal, short, direct and sweet, if the need for small talk arises, sure I can do that. But, the fear, the nerves, the thoughts of what’s going to happen when I do walk in there, scared me, what should I say I have no goal at this moment, no direction, and no confidence because I need the first two options... What if I mess this up? All these thoughts pop up into my mind, creating scenarios and shit, which will never come true, and if it does come true, damn, just deal with it (Even thou they did give me a goal, where as I should give myself direction, and confidence within the moment).

Now, I was against this, I wanted an example from someone to see how it is done, and then I can follow the lead to go alone. I did not say anything, just waited for my brother to speak up... It did not happen, so his partner said, “Ok, we need to get going” and so he went to a building to do his thing, with me and my brother just standing there, me of course waiting for my brother, and he probably waited for me to do something, and then after a few seconds he suggested a building, and we went there, us not splitting apart.

So my point is... I am reliant on my brother, as I was since the day I can remember, for the last six/seven years where he was not around, I would have done these things, but not today. As soon as he is nearby, I always look at him for an answer, wanting him to take the lead, wanting him to take the responsibility and challenges. Not me doing these things on my own and this is one of my biggest points I have to work through where I want my brother to take the responsibility, and show me the way. Otherwise for as long as I have him around and not working through this point, I will always be reliant/dependant on him, and not making my own choices, taking on my own challenges, not taking on my own responsibility and will never be able to move forward as an individual within self-direction within this world.

Day 28 –The Realisation of What it is to Care, Part 3

When and as I see myself resisting a point of responsibility, I stop and I breathe. I realise by resisting the point of responsibility, I am not standing as one and as equal with it, taking away my chance to participate within life, to take on the challenge of caring for a bird, to learn more about it and be an up- lifting hand to Life.

When and as I see myself deciding upon a point where I should take responsibility and the facts are based on assumptions, I stop and I breathe. I realise my assumption towards the point is not clear or may be wrong, and therefore I should not act upon it, rather question what I have observed, not making assumptions, and rather find out more about the situation, and then make my decision.

When and as I see myself resisting the point of taking care of Birdy, or any other life form, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is a real living being that I am dealing with and my care taking will have an effect upon this specific living being, and by realising this point, I should work through it by supporting myself with breathing, and being here in the physical reality of now.

When and as I see myself drifting off in space, with my mind, and not being here in the moment, I stop myself and I breathe, I realise this is the mind acting out and by identifying this act, I support myself through breathing, realising that I am here, and nowhere else, but here in this moment of physical reality cutting up the fruit for Birdy.

When and as I see myself having the mind set of setting the bird free, and not really taking care of him, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is a point of resistance towards the care taking of Birdy, if it should be kept here or be set a free, I should still look after it as if I am looking after myself.

When and as I see myself not taking care of myself, I stop and I breathe, I realise that this is my body, the only one I have, and it should be cared for by me, it is my responsibility as it is no one else’s.

I commit and allow myself to look after birdy, in such a way that if I were to be the one to be locked up in a cage – be taken care of unconditionally.

I commit and allow myself to breathe through the moment of resistance, to let it go, and to be here, in this moment of taking care of birdy, and doing so unconditionally.

I commit and allow myself to walk within this realisation of LIFE, and what it means to be alive; to take care, to love, to live, and to appreciate life as one and as equal, doing so unconditionally.

I commit and allow myself to be here, in this moment of breath in the physical reality of now taking care of birdy and myself, unconditionally.