Wednesday 12 November 2014

Day 75 – Fighting Myself, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep quiet and not speak up with other people when I want to say something or feel like I have to say something, to believe that this will have a negative influence on the relationship.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that other people will judge me and think weird about me when I do speak up and from this point on forward not accept me for who I am.
I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will create conflict with other humans when I do speak up or say what I want to say, and because of this conflict that may be created I decide not to speak up, thus suppressing myself and my inner thoughts.
I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to create conflict within myself for not speaking up when I have the need to, for when I want to say my say but instead keep quiet about it.
I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to regret the fact that I didn’t speak up, and this wishing I could go back to the moment and correct it, putting myself in a loopy cycle of thoughts that keeps on taking me back to the experience.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep quite when I get angry and just walk away, instead of breathing, slowing down myself in this moment of anger to see why this anger were triggered in the first place, to then deal with it and also deal with the person in conversation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself and not allow myself to walk life equally in full expression of who and what I am, to hide behind a mask and hope that no one sees me.

I forgive myself for I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to speak up when need to, to say what I want to say in any given conversation, to let out what is hidden inside instead of just keeping it there.

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