Tuesday 16 December 2014

Day 81 - Forgotten Skills, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel deprived from my physical reality through not working with my hands by comparing the physical reality of here with that of my past, and realising I have not done anything with my hands to create or to take apart some form of object.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to tinker with electronics to feel whole, and not be lost within space and time by not doing it, thus be limited in my reality to experience and live within the physical of here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed about taking on an activity that was long forgotten, to feel that this activity was for a child only to experiment with and not a grown man.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect an idea of my childhood towards one in my present and through this idea create a believe that it is only for children to tinker and explore broken electronics, and through me doing such thing at a time where I am a grown man, I felt embarrassed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience such embarrassment through knowing that someone observed me in this instance and due the thought process that they are going through are influencing me, even though I don’t know what they are thinking, but assuming what they are thinking and by this creating the experience of embarrassment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never again touch any broken electronics due to this experience that I have undergo, and thus “deprive” myself from working with my hands, creating a desire which I could not fulfill.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall victim for having a desire which I can’t fulfill due to a past experience that I have created/generated in my own mind, without realising the effects which would follow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I would have flourished within this field of work just because of this interest I had within me for taking apart things and exploring it.

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