Day 94 - Sum 41, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that the person who I am, or my essence of whom I were in the past is missing, that the person or something behind my thoughts that made me who i am, were no longer there anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lost without that feeling of having something in the behind of my every thought and decision, that presence of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a changed person that is not free anymore because of what happened in my past, and that all these things play a big role in who and what I am today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to go back to that person of who I were back then, and not accept and embrace myself for who I am now, as in the here, in the physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dwell on these emotions and feelings when and as I hear the songs of my bands that I like listening to, or that I used to listen to, and to allow myself to continue down the path of emotions even after I have realised my flag point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my thoughts and feelings control me, in the sense of how I carry myself, how i speak and listen and communicate with other, to try and show them my "pain" in a very indirect way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been controlled by these thoughts and emotions, by the way of how I am reacting to certain photo's, messages, or conversation with other people that I see or interact with.

I forgive ymself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to go back to my childhood memory and not let go of it, which hinders my movement within the physical reality I life within now, and thus also effecting my experience that I have within the moment of here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create attachments and warm comforting memories of my past with these songs that I have listened to when I was younger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was in a world of freedom at that age, to think that I am capable of anything and everything without any consequences, because I am protected by my parent, and by money.

So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find comfort in money, to believe with money i will be set free of everything that is a bother to me, to believe that money will  give me my happiness and freedom, and everything I wish for.

I also forigve myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find comfort within the idea of my mother/father will always be there to protect me and give me lead/direction within life, and that I see them as a safety net for whenever I fail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not wanting to take self-responsibility and direction for myself, and be able to be okay with what I do, even if it does turn out in a scenario of which I will need my parents as a safety net.

Day 91 – Unsafe, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel unsafe in my field of work due to all the free choice I have in the decisions I am making, and that I am the only one responsible for every decision I make.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that the free choice within my working field is overwhelming, and that I find it still strange, instead of embracing it, and walk with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that freedom is too much of a responsibility, for if no one controls me, then anything can basically happen, either stand still in whatever I do, or move forward and reach my goals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself, and to think by having this freedom I will stand still and not move myself in the direction I want to go in, and thus fail horribly within life – meaning not make a success of my goals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to over think this taking-a-day-off concept, and instead, before do take a day of, I assess my business and work accordingly to make sure I am not hindering myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to activate the train of thoughts through allowing it to rumble off in my mind directly after I have had this particular thought – About feeling unsafe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the illusion of feeling safe within the system, as having a job, and getting paid a rigid amount of money every month, being a slave.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the realm of wanting to be employed, and having the mind-set of a person that just wants a job, and not a business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within my business to want to refer to it as an job, a vocation, and not admit to myself that I am actually running a business, thus hindering my movement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my business in the sense of not accepting it as mine, not accepting myself to be in the position of being able to run a business.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am incompetent within this line of work, for I believe myself to be a person that has no communication skills, and instead to realise that a person can learn new ways, very easily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be untruthful, and take time off while I have to work, going into the pretend stage of working...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to settle for less, meaning not working to reach my true full potential of what I am capable of doing.

Day 87 - Not filling the shoes, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be triggered into these thoughts and feelings through thinking about “how I am supposed to be” when and around other people, giving me a rush of thoughts on how I am supposed to be when around other people (or grown-ups) and then acting accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by this reaction/trigger point that I actually change my behaviour, start “acting” grown up, and in the same time hitting some nerves which sometimes make me feel like I can’t fill the shoes, or that I am going to lose myself within them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be smaller than this world, to believe that I need to be big to be able to fill myself with the world, and because of this thought/experience, I feel that I can’t fill the shoes, and take self-responsibility and direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create doubt within myself because of this experience, and through having this doubt not allowing myself to move myself forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need to be a grown-up to be able to do what “grown-up” people do, instead just be myself, obviously according to where I am, for instance a meet – be professional.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need decades of experience, just to show someone a better way at doing things – learning – and not trust myself where I can actually just show them with real time proof.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not appear as a strong/bold person, due to my past experiences, thus define myself as weak, and life up to this experience, whereas I can easily recreate the image I need in an instance – in the physical as here.

Day 84 - Realisation of self, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to life in separation with myself and not accepting myself for who and what I am when I am communicating with people, to not accept these “specific” patterns as my own and who I am in that particular moment of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this is the pattern that makes me for who I am and that only when this pattern of self and communication shows, only then am I myself, in my element as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life as a third person viewer, believing that things will happen in my life automatically, by just observing instead of actually being here in the physical and directing my own life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with other people to see how they are moving and I am not, and by doing this feels like life is just passing by me with no interesting things happening.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let other people define me for who I am by pointing out these moments where I am on my best, and by that acting out my life as who I am instead of actually be myself, whoever that may be without these patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a person that is not in direct control within my own life, that I am not the sole person walking in the moment of here in the physical and as self-direction and self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I haven’t yet accepted and allowed myself to accept myself  and all my patterns and creations of who I am as truly mine, and from that point on forward be able to stand as myself, and change where change is needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am who I am because of these specific patterns and that I should always keep them and improve on them to enhance my experience as who I am, instead of just walking in the physical as here.

I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to accept my patterns/believes as my equal, that I am them as they are me, to be able to change them without resistance.

Day 81 - Forgotten Skills, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel deprived from my physical reality through not working with my hands by comparing the physical reality of here with that of my past, and realising I have not done anything with my hands to create or to take apart some form of object.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to tinker with electronics to feel whole, and not be lost within space and time by not doing it, thus be limited in my reality to experience and live within the physical of here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed about taking on an activity that was long forgotten, to feel that this activity was for a child only to experiment with and not a grown man.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect an idea of my childhood towards one in my present and through this idea create a believe that it is only for children to tinker and explore broken electronics, and through me doing such thing at a time where I am a grown man, I felt embarrassed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience such embarrassment through knowing that someone observed me in this instance and due the thought process that they are going through are influencing me, even though I don’t know what they are thinking, but assuming what they are thinking and by this creating the experience of embarrassment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never again touch any broken electronics due to this experience that I have undergo, and thus “deprive” myself from working with my hands, creating a desire which I could not fulfill.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall victim for having a desire which I can’t fulfill due to a past experience that I have created/generated in my own mind, without realising the effects which would follow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I would have flourished within this field of work just because of this interest I had within me for taking apart things and exploring it.

Day 75 – Fighting Myself, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep quiet and not speak up with other people when I want to say something or feel like I have to say something, to believe that this will have a negative influence on the relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that other people will judge me and think weird about me when I do speak up and from this point on forward not accept me for who I am.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will create conflict with other humans when I do speak up or say what I want to say, and because of this conflict that may be created I decide not to speak up, thus suppressing myself and my inner thoughts.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to create conflict within myself for not speaking up when I have the need to, for when I want to say my say but instead keep quiet about it.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to regret the fact that I didn’t speak up, and this wishing I could go back to the moment and correct it, putting myself in a loopy cycle of thoughts that keeps on taking me back to the experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep quite when I get angry and just walk away, instead of breathing, slowing down myself in this moment of anger to see why this anger were triggered in the first place, to then deal with it and also deal with the person in conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself and not allow myself to walk life equally in full expression of who and what I am, to hide behind a mask and hope that no one sees me.

I forgive myself for I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to speak up when need to, to say what I want to say in any given conversation, to let out what is hidden inside instead of just keeping it there.

Day 72 – Point of Resonance (mugging), Part 5

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want or wish for something bad to happen for me just to be able to dodge my responsibilities, to get a way out of it without working through it, meaning completing my workload.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to crave attention from people just because I feel that I am not getting enough from my environment and the people within.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts about horrible things playing out in my mind, where something bad would happen to me or be in my way that stops me from attending my responsibility, to have these thoughts purely because I feel that I want to escape my work, or whatever I have to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about bad things happening to me just so people can give me the necessary attention that I feel that I deserve, or crave, and by doing this not realising the effects that these thoughts might have upon me or anyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I also want to be the hero of someone, and in this case think that something bad might happen to them, where I will be able to jump in and assist, which in reality we all know that this won’t be the case, and through me having these thoughts will only put the person’s life in danger if it were to happen in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the people in my imagination just as play toys, meaning no matter what happens to them, it does not matter, for I believe nothing is real which I am thinking about, but what if these thoughts manifest, then it will be a way different situation. 

Day 71 – Point of Resonance (mugging), Part 4

I  forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in a conspiracy and lived my life around it, believing that the world may come to an end, and that there is no use in me studying or living my life in a way that I can make the best of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the first pieces of information that I have received, basically making me very gullible  toward any information that I receive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate the situation and the information that I have received to be able to make a decision based on common sense, on actually facts and not just that of which the first person told me.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to resist life, to resist myself, to resist information, to resist my future, to resist study, I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the point of studying for school to be the best student, to live up to my full potential, I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to resist myself to allow myself to live, to allow myself to be what I can be, to be what I want to be, I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to resist any information that I receive to not want to participate within it, to acquire  it and to be able to use it, I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to have a resistance toward life, to not participate within it as I should, to shy away from society, to use it as an excuse not to be seen or heard, not to be present with reality but instead to wish that it can just happen already and get over with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind a computer all these years to not deal with reality because of the believe that everything will go to waste, to then resist life, myself, my future, everything within my existence.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to create these patterns of resistance towards my existence and towards myself for I have believed that it all won’t matter in a few short years, and because of these patterns integrated within my mind, I now believe that it is hard to learn or acquire new information and walk with it, as these patterns of resistance keep on holding me back for I have only fed them with energy to allow them to grow, instead of working through them to get over it and to move myself toward my goal, to be able to accept my existence as here as life in the physical, to accept myself and allow myself to be for who I am.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to be in conflict with myself, for being in conflict with everything I am doing – if it is playing computer, working, watching series etc. and through this conflict not being able to do everything I am doing in confidence, or to my utmost potential.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to wish that bad things could happen around me or even with me just so I can have an exit door towards my responsibilities - to get a way out of my responsibilities – and not deal with them for instance working, so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist my work, which leads to negative thoughts, which creates a resonance within me that are attracting these things, and then where these bad things would happen to me eventually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even have these thoughts, to have a thought about how I, or a fellow human being get hurt just for me to have the opportunity to dodge work(or any responsibility).

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to stand within resistance towards my responsibilities, to not accept my responsibilities and due to that create a conflict within myself that has an effect not only on me but the people around me – everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn a blind eye towards these thoughts, acting as if they did not exist, but in the same time reacted upon them by consciously having positive thoughts to counter these negative thoughts, creating a battlefield within my mind which I call conflict with myself.

Day 65 – Imbalance, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself through believing that I am tired, and through this believe not be able to work and go on with my daily duties as I should be able to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the tiredness be an excuse for me not wanting to work, or perform as well as I am suppose to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an imbalance within my life because of the tiredness that I am facing, not getting to everything that I need to do because of the back-chat - where I tell myself I am tired now, and don't have the energy to do whatever needs to be done.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to concentrate only on certain parts of my life at a time, create an imbalance within my life, where one part would be high, and the other part low.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this imbalance within my life due to the lack of self-direction and self-responsibility, not being able to push through these limitation and to get shit done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it is fine to not care about a certain aspect within my life, and that the only importance is that of which I set as to be my highest regard in the matter, and not realising that a good life is a well balanced one, one where I am the direction of self, the responsibility of self, the movement of self, where I am to create my world and my environment through these principles, movement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be focused on what I need to do and to get it done, to think that it is too much trouble to do the certain thing that I need to get done, to think that by postponing it will be OK.

Day 58 – Speaking Up, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel nervous while speaking to other people, and to let this nervousness that I am experiencing influence my direction in conversation, taking away my control over my words I have/need to speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am playing a game, and not taking my work up as important as I should, and because of this I have allowed myself to mess around or take time off where I don't have the time to take off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a clumsy guy who can't handle the interaction between two humans, namely myself and the person I am in contact with while speaking.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this clumsy guy is who I am, for I have never really had self-direction within my movement, and through not having this self-direction I have build up this believe system from which I have created the image of myself as being a clumsy guy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I am a shy person, wanting to hide from everyone because of all the stories I have heard from when I was a baby, where people would refer to me as a shy child that does not like to interact with other people, and through these words, I have build this character as me, relying on this information, and using it as an excuse for why I am quit, or not talk-active.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a weak person just because I don't have to words to express myself, and define myself as weak all over, in every aspect just because of this assumption that I have made, while knowing of my strong points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this weakness shows when I do open my mouth even when I do so with self-direction - basically a point of back-chat when done talking and busy reflecting upon the past event.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be limited by this point of weakness that I have experienced, for I have allowed myself to stretch this point over all aspects of my life instead of leaving it as the one concentrated point, focusing myself on this point to be able to correct it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this show in my speech whenever I would speak to someone, to let this give me bad results in the end, not opening the doors I need opened.

Day 56 – Took an arrow to the knee, Part 3

When and as I see myself fear in a situation of danger, not realising that the fear might be the cause of real danger, or casualties, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this fear is in control of me, and that I should get rid of it, by assisting myself through breathing and letting go of the fear, to realise that this fear is only made up out of thoughts, and is not real.

When and as I see myself not being in control of myself because of an event that took place, I stop and I breathe, to slow down the moment, to slow down my body that is in automation - meaning it can go wrong anytime - and realise that I should be in control, that I should trust myself to be in control of my own body, and then only then move it with self-direction whilst being in the breath, the moment of here.

When and as I see myself fearing that I might be lost and never be found by anyone, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am not too far gone from where I originally am, and that I will find my way.

When and as I see myself fearing that I might walk into violent and abusive people I stop and I breathe, I then slow down the moment, to see why am I fearing something that's not here within the present, but a future event created within my mind, by me, and then realise that this is just a thought, and that it is not real, thus I am O.K.

When and as I see myself being blazed with fears, and allowing these fears to overwhelm me in a matter of a few seconds, just to be gone, I stop and I breathe with the realisation that it is not real, only thoughts and that I am here, as the breathe, within the physical reality, observing and expressing and living life, with nothing to fear, or stop me from living my utmost potential in any giving moment.

I commit and allow myself to live in each moment as self-direction, to let go of my fears with the realisation and the knowing that it is not real, but only a thought, and by knowing this allowing myself to live my utmost potential in each and every breathe I take.

Day 55 – Took an arrow to the knee, Part 2

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a blaze of fear just as I hit the ground, realising that I have hurt my knee, not being able to walk/work effectively, fearing that I might not get away from that location, and be left behind by the people, and get lost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to control my actions after the incident, resulting in fear of what might happen, instead of being here, breathing through the moment to support myself with the pain I am experiencing and my thoughts that are about to rock through my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear for my leg, that it might be broken, instead of being calm, breathing and assessing myself and my leg to see what is going on with it, and to see if it is fine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear in the moment of the incident, to be controlled by the actions/events that took place, and not be in control of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will get lost, and never be found again, have to spend the rest of my days surviving all alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will get lost, and then be found by random strangers that are violent, abusive, or even murderers, so fearing for my life, the fear of death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go down this path of fears, fearing to a point where I thought it could even be my life being taken away from me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might catch a fire on the ground, and burn myself to death - resulting in jumping up, adding heavy pressure on my damaged knee/leg without seeing/realising the consequences, instead of being calm and get up with the leg that is fine.

Day 52 – Comfortability, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in uncomfortably throughout my whole life, not taking in the moment as it presents itself and just be HERE, enjoying the moment as it exists in the physical reality which I can see with me eyes, hear with my ears, and experience with my whole being.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted myself and not allowed myself through not accepting myself to be able to be comfortable with myself, and the humans around me, with which I live with each and every day, or even those that I have known for my whole life.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am making other people uncomfortable with my presence, that I have to sit still, say nothing, do nothing and just be there because maybe, just maybe I am disturbing someone, meaning I am only doing this to please everyone without even knowing what or how these people are feeling or experiencing the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be judge mental about this situation of who is comfortable with me being around, or not, judging people by their looks which in reality is not closely to what they are experiencing within themselves, and therefore I am being a "introvert".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself and my self-expression for who I am because of the uncomfortably I experience with myself and/or other people around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that people will judge me if I say something, or being scared that I will say something stupid or senseless and therefore feel uncomfortable when I am speaking (awkwardness basically).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into a pattern directly after someone has touched my shoulder, or my back when speaking to me, where I would think of the situation for the rest of the day, basically get stuck in that moment, instead of moving with each and every new moment that presents itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel awkward when I have any type of physical interaction with another human being, not being able to be comfortable with it, or with myself, and always feel like I have to retreat from the moment and get my distance from this human being - not able to express myself because of these thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the other human being I am having physical contact with feels the same way as I do (wants to retreat, or keep the distance because we are having physical contact and this needs to be done for some odd reason?) and because of this thought I am retreating, or generating the distance between us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable having physical contact with another human being, and therefore feel like the moment will become awkward between me and this human if it continues for too long.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a stick man within my own skin (stiff) and that I am not able to move around as comfortable as I want to, and therefore I am not really moving in the physical reality of the moment, being still and static.

I frogive myself for I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to be here in the moment as the physical, to need another human being to bring me to the moment of now through the words and actions they are speaking over me, to accept and allow myself to be here within the breathe.

Day 49 – Dealing with Fear, Part 3

When and as I see myself fearing for my life when an epidemic is taking place somewhere in the world, I stop and I breathe. I realise that by fearing this won’t solve my problem, but instead just raise the risk for my own health and well being.

When and as I see myself giving away my power to a fear, allowing it to control and consume me, I stop and I breathe, I realise that this fear is not real, and only made up from my own thoughts and outside knowledge which I have acquired.

When and as I see myself fuelling this fear by creating more and more thoughts within my mind, and creating a fear of loss within this, I stop and I breathe, I realise that the fear isn’t real, and it is only my mind that is putting me in this position, allowing myself to breathe and support myself by realising this to correct my thoughts, and the pattern that it is following, stopping the vicious cycle where my mind creates thoughts based on fear which creates more thoughts and fear... etc.

When and as I see myself wanting to rest, because of the believe that I have, I stop and I breathe, i realise that it is my mind that requires this rest because of a pattern that my mind is following, and that I am not actually physically tired.

When and as I see myself wanting to be lazy, I stop and I breathe, I realise that this is not being me productive, and living my utmost potential and just a lazy pattern I am following, and by following this pattern, I will create a fear for the future.

When and as I see myself wanting to reward myself out of working hard for a short while, i stop and I breathe, I realise that I am only now getting started and that there is no need for rest, for I am young and strong and I have done more hard work than this before, that I am capable of doing what is necessary and giving my utmost potential within what I want to do, and want to achieve.

When and as I see myself sitting back to relax, believing that I will just receive everything from out of nowhere, I stop and I breathe. I see the pattern in this moment, and realise that I should not be sitting still but, actually stand up and go get myself that of which I want to achieve for it shall not be granted to me for free or by not doing anything.

When and as I see myself fearing the future because I am not moving forward at present, I stop and I breathe, I realise I should not fear the future, stop these thoughts about the future and instead start directing myself in the way I want to go.

When and as I see myself not moving, not having self-direction, I don’t stop but, I do breathe and while doing so, I realise that I need to direct myself within each moment of breathe, as here in the physical reality to get myself moving forward and not allowing myself to stagnate within where I am now at the present.

When and as I see myself taking advantage of a situation to be able to rest, I stop and I breathe, i realise that by taking this advantage of the situation will not only have an impact on me, but on other people as well, meaning I live in a point of self-interest and not taking other people into consideration, for when I am standing still, a part of our business is also in a static point in time, not moving forward.

When and as I see myself fighting with my own mind because of a fear I have generated, I stop and I breathe, I realise that both sides of my brain is.. Well mine, and so I should not divide my mind into two side and let them battle, for I am only fighting with myself, where as I can now stop this silly act and instead life out self-direction and self-responsibility within the moment of here, present.

I commit and allow myself to be here, to be in the breathe, to realise what I am doing within the moment, and to see if I am not being directed by self, and by realising this, to take on the self-responsibility to get myself moving in the direction I need to be moving.

I commit and allow myself to stop my fears for they are not real, only made up thoughts within my mind, which creates this reaction within me and then starting to take my life over, and instead to stand as one and as equal with these thoughts and fear to be able to change it for who it is, and to get rid of it for it is not real.

I commit and allow myself to direct myself in the direction I need to go, to allow myself to take on the challenge and responsibility of what life is giving me in the present and give it my all and my utmost potential, unconditionally.

  Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 48 – Dealing with Fear, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a virus, to fear that I might get sick, to fear that my family might get sick, and from this sickness die, leaving me behind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my energy to this fear, feeding it in such a way that it has power over me, controlling me in every moment of the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be enslaved by this fear, that was generated through the news I heard over the television/radio, through hearing how dangerous it is, and the total deaths that was caused by it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate these thoughts in my mind where I would lose my family and be all alone and through these thoughts being controlled and entrapped by this fear not able to function normally, but instead wanting to cry and hide the whole time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my thoughts, that were not even real, but based on ideas and news that I heard, thinking it was already spreading wildly in South Africa, even when it was not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need rest to be able to function properly, and that without this rest I won’t be able to do my job effectively, but in reality I feel fine, meaning this is just laziness kicking in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lazy, and then wanting to react on it by going home and do nothing, at home, just watch series or playing games.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself into this bubble of rest, where I think I deserve it for working hard the past 3 days, letting my reward system get the best of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am entitled to have a day or 3 off because of the past 3 days of hard working, not realising that this has an effect on not only me, but my business as well, slowing me down with the progress that I want to see and make.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I will just receive everything in life on a silver platter, not having to work for what I want, instead of standing up, and go get/do it myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future, for the fact that I am not working on it in the present, thinking that I will get nowhere within life, and by these thoughts, generating fear of the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand still for so long, instead of resting for one day or half a day and then get back to work, where as these actions of mine will have a consequence, and not by realising this, I instead keep on resting to a point where I start generating fears just to be able to move forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose sight of my self-direction because of this feeling I get where I think/feel like I need rest, and that I can take advantage of the situation when it presents itself because of my hard work I had put into the past few days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate a battlefield within my mind because of this fear, splitting my consciousness into two sides, battling against each other for which decision I made was the correct one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as one and as equal with this fear, to embrace it and life it out, for when that is done, then I will be able to work through it effectively, see each point I have to deal with in order to make a change within myself and these thoughts I am having that generates this fear.

Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 46 – Why Hesitate, Part 3

When and as I see myself hesitate to make a call because I can’t see the people I am about to talk to, I stop and I breathe. I realise that by stopping myself from doing my work, jsut by not knowing some things is only hindering me and my process of getting the job done.

When and as I see myself fearing the phone call that I am about to make, I stop and I breathe, I realise that this fear is created by me, and is not real, only an obstacle in my way which I have to overcome, and I can do so by assisting and directing myself within the moment of movement.

When and as I see myself fearing miscommunication with another human being, I stop and I breathe, I realise that this is just a communication barrier and that I can overcome this barrier through using different words, and being more clear whilst speaking, and through doing this also realising that fearing this point is only a waste of potential energy that could have being used in making me more productive within the moment.

When and as I see myself taking work personally because of communication barriers, i stop and I breathe, and within this moment I slow down this process to see and to realise what is happening, and by doing this see that I only have to use self-direction within the moment, from one person dropping a call only means that they did not understand me, nothing for me to worry or fear about.

When and as I see myself being impatient with people that does not understand me, I stop and I breathe, I put myself in their position to experience what they are experiencing, realising that I should not be impatient, because I would have wanted the person to explain the concept for me until I understand(when in their position), and instead direct the conversation to a point where we can both touch ground and understand each other, and only then explain the concept in a way they would understand.

When and as I see myself facing inequality within myself and my level of confidence, I stop and I breathe, I Realise that this will only hinder me, and then start directing myself in each and every moment, instead of just relying on concepts and ideas I have of myself.

I commit and allow myself to live in each moment of breath, being here in the physical as it exists, to direct self, to reach my fullest and utmost potential of each and every moment.

I commit and allow myself to stand as one and as equal with my inequalities I face within myself, and to walk with them as they are mine, to embrace them, and then as a final act, change myself in a way that is best for all.

Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 45 – Why Hesitate, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate before I make a call because of the fact that I can’t see the person and through that know what I might face when speaking to them, basically relying on my judgement which in any case might not be accurate at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate to make a phone call because I fear that I might not understand the person and have to ask them to explain a concept more than once, in return making them impatient with me and not my understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the person I am calling might not understand me, and that I have to repeat myself over and over with the person, and then after some repeating they drop the call.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when a person drops my call because they could not understand me for the reason being; communication barriers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get impatient with people that do not understand English as well as I do, and in return makes communication very difficult for us both.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate on the phone call because of this communication barrier and therefore creating impatiens and the actually hesitation because I don’t want to struggle with people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by this impatiens, through hesitating and not wanting to do the calls that I have to, instead of directing myself and push through this challenge I am facing with communicating with other people.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have confidence just to be proven wrong for when I get into a situation where I do not deal with my work, just to realise that my confidence only lies within my work I do and not in the over all.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to walk within self-direction, instead I walked in confidence which is built upon images, thoughts and patterns which all in all is not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on the idea of confidence which exists of images thoughts and patterns to build up the feeling of confidence instead of self-directing myself in every moment of breath, knowing that by being directed by self, I will not be needing confidence as of the fact that I will know what I want and need to do to get to my objective, or to complete it.

Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 42 – Poverty is Real, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have lived my life in ignorance not taking in account other people and their situation, just so that I can live my life to be successful without caring, and being unconditional.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form an idea about people that I have never even met before, ripping me from my ability to be able to stand as one and as equal with them, to be able to handle them as if they were my friend, and not some bad person that’s only capable of destruction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as better and superior toward poor people just because I have more money, and a bigger house than they have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from these people just because of this idea that I have of them that they are “bad” or “dangerous” people.

I forgive myself that I ahve accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is normal for some people to have it all, and some to have nothing at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience separation while driving in these poor neighbourhoods, to feel that I am not a part of these people, and that I do not belong here, and that I don’t have to be here to witness it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish that I was not in that area in that moment, because I wish that I did not see these people and the real situation that they are in, because it creates a negative reaction within me, a fear that I might be one of them one day, that I might end up like them one day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am in a collision with reality, by not wanting to accept this reality for what it is, and to feel that I want to get out of there because this is too much to see/handle for me at this moment, to see so many, thousands of people suffering every day just because of this inequality within our world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid reality, and wanting to do so by going home and hide behind the computer, where everything is fine, no problems, no people suffering and no people begging for money/food but only me and my “safety zone”, escaping reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for these people, and by this feeling being directed to want to go out of this place, instead of staying and helping, not by giving food/money but giving them a chance to educate themself to be able to work themself out of this situation. (By giving the people money/food will only encourage them to keep on doing nothing but beg, give them a permanent solution, not a temporary one.)

 Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 39 – Ego and Rejection, Part 2

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to take a situation personally, when it was purely meant for a moment of only helping someone out, and not suppose to be a moment for ego boosting, and by taking this situation personal allowing myself to get angry for what has happened.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel rejected within this situation and by feeling rejected creating a negative reaction where I get angry at the person for what has happened, allowing them to get to me and make me feel that my ego is being “hurt”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pass on information with an alternative goal of only gaining an ego boost, where my ego can feel proud of the knowledge it has within and are able to pass on, instead of doing it out of pure innocence, to help the person understanding the program better, and to be more effective through my knowledge I have to give.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be offended by the rejection of my knowledge because of the believe I have, where I believe that one should listen to me when speaking about the program just because of my 2 years experience that I have with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry, and to take it to such a point where it almost feels like my blood is boiling, instead of assisting myself within the breathe to be able to stand within myself, as here and as self direction and responsibility, because through getting angry and seeing red won’t solve the issue where the other party don’t have the time at the specific moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a clouded mind because of my ego and not being able to identify the situation for what it is, and by not being able to identify it, I just jumped in with no concern of the other persons situation, basically just reacting upon my own self-interest and what I think is best for the person and their knowledge at the present time, instead of thinking what is best for all within this situation and the most effective solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react upon this self-interest, to use this knowledge as a way to get attention to give myself a little boost with the ego, and being rejected upon this, to become angry.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to use hunger as an excuse for my anger, and to get out of this situation with no conflict, dodging a point of self-honesty/responsibility that I have to face, resolving the issue here in this moment instead of postponing it to a later stage in time.

 Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 36 – Responsibility with stables, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to life in the moment of here, doing my stable in a way of just getting it finished (half heartedly), instead of doing it the way I should, all because of the fact that I am living in my mind in some other non-existing reality, instead of being here with my responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like cleaning this extra stable is a burden for me at this moment, to feel that I could have done something else within this time, letting my mind wonder of and following it to where ever, instead of breathing in the fresh horse poop air (... hehe) and be here enjoying life, to have the privilege to experience life with farm animals and the care taking of them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the cleaning of the stables is not my responsibility, but someone else’s and therefore I do not have to clean it up to the standard of what is expected, creating thoughts of resistance within this moment of believe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the idea of “I have better things to do with my time” when the responsibility is given to me, creating thoughts within my mind when at stables cleaning them, thoughts where I am busy doing other “enjoyable” things like playing computer games, or watching series.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the point of going to the stables, wishing I do not have to do it so early in the morning, especially when I have been given a second stable to clean.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist cleaning up the stables, not wanting to go there, through doing this creating a drag in the actual physical cleaning of the stable, instead of breathing and allowing myself to clean the stable, where as this will make me more effective in doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to shift the responsibility that has been given to me upon someone else for it is not my stable to clean, because of a point of self-interest, where as my time will be used and that I do not feel like giving it.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to be selfish with my time, not wanting to spend it on someone else, because I have a believe that I deserve this time for me, because there is a reward system still within my mind where every deed I do needs a reward given, meaning I am not living to my fullest potential, unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I need to be rewarded for everything I do, thus creating a resistance within me while doing the stable because it feels like I am not being rewarded but instead being punished.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that cleaning the stables is a punishment toward me for I have no actual horse to look after, for I have no connection to any of the horses, for I have no “fun” or “joy” with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed these thoughts to cross my mind and to accept them as a believe and through this acceptance I have created an inequality within me and towards the horses creating the experience of caring for them negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do the stable halfway and leave the hard work for the next person who are going to clean this stable, making it just more difficult for them.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stand within oneness and equality with the horses, and the care taking of the horses, for they are the ones spending 12 hours in that confined space, and so it has to be clean and most comfortable as possible and thus must not be influenced by me for my self-interest that plays out in the moment of the cleaning and care taking. 

Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com