Day 42 – Poverty is Real, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have lived my life in ignorance not taking in account other people and their situation, just so that I can live my life to be successful without caring, and being unconditional.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form an idea about people that I have never even met before, ripping me from my ability to be able to stand as one and as equal with them, to be able to handle them as if they were my friend, and not some bad person that’s only capable of destruction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as better and superior toward poor people just because I have more money, and a bigger house than they have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from these people just because of this idea that I have of them that they are “bad” or “dangerous” people.

I forgive myself that I ahve accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is normal for some people to have it all, and some to have nothing at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience separation while driving in these poor neighbourhoods, to feel that I am not a part of these people, and that I do not belong here, and that I don’t have to be here to witness it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish that I was not in that area in that moment, because I wish that I did not see these people and the real situation that they are in, because it creates a negative reaction within me, a fear that I might be one of them one day, that I might end up like them one day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like I am in a collision with reality, by not wanting to accept this reality for what it is, and to feel that I want to get out of there because this is too much to see/handle for me at this moment, to see so many, thousands of people suffering every day just because of this inequality within our world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid reality, and wanting to do so by going home and hide behind the computer, where everything is fine, no problems, no people suffering and no people begging for money/food but only me and my “safety zone”, escaping reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for these people, and by this feeling being directed to want to go out of this place, instead of staying and helping, not by giving food/money but giving them a chance to educate themself to be able to work themself out of this situation. (By giving the people money/food will only encourage them to keep on doing nothing but beg, give them a permanent solution, not a temporary one.)

 Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 40 – Ego and rejection, Part 3

When and as I see myself taking a situation personally which will result in a clouded mind, not being able to see the actually point/problem, I stop and I breathe. I realise that by taking this situation personally will only take away my ability to see the point/problem clearly and thus resulting in me getting angry or off the point and not solving the problem effectively.

When and as I see myself allowing myself to feel rejected by someone or some concept, I stop and I breathe. I realise that by allowing this rejection will only create anger, frustration and loneliness within me, where I separate myself from the physical world around me to avoid these experiences any further.

When and as I see myself wanting to share knowledge to help a person, but with and alternative goal, I stop and I breathe, I realise by doing this I am only feeding my ego with the energy that it desires, and in return opens up a possibility of getting “hurt” when one may get rejected in the act of sharing the knowledge.

When and as I see myself feeling offended by the rejection, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am only offended because of the alternative motive/goal that I had in place, and by seeing this, it clouds my judgement and my ability to see the situation for what it really is.

When and as I see myself experiencing anger and while in its process I allow it to such a point where I can easily lose control of it, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am the creator of this anger, and that I should not give my power to this anger and allow it to grow so far, for I am the creator of it and so should I be in control of it.

When and as I see myself clouding my mind with these thoughts and ideas for the ego and its advantage, I stop and I breathe. I realise that by doing this, I am only busy wasting away my energy and not being here within the physical reality, as for what the moment is, but somewhere lost in the midst of my mind.

When and as I see myself generating excuses to get myself out of situations, I stop and I breathe, I realise by not dealing with the situation now is being dishonest with self, and a way of escaping reality and the moment of here, postponing my chance to deal with the problem now, onto a later stage.

I commit and allow myself to be directive within a moment of anger, to direct self towards a point where I no longer feed my feelings with energy, to be clouded by them, and by this creating an illusion for what the physical reality really is, not seeing clearly basically.

I commit and allow myself to deal with a situation, rather than to create excuses to get out of it, and assisting self through this process by breathing, being here, and to be self-directive within each and every moment that presents itself.

 Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 37 – Responsibility with stables, Part 3

When and as I see myself getting lost in thought, I stop and I breathe, I realise that by being in my thoughts while physically working I am not here with in the moment busy with my task at hand, thus can’t do it to the best of my abilities.

When and as I see myself resisting the fact that I have to clean a stable, I stop and I breathe, I realise that by resisting a responsibility will only slow me down in doing the task, and not giving me any effective solutions to doing it any quicker.

When and as I see myself following the pattern where I think I don’t have to do something to the best of my ability, I stop and I breathe, I realise that my viewpoint of the matter is not what is best for all, and that by thinking this, it influences my ability to do my task to the best of my ability.

When and as I see myself believing that I have better things to do than taking care of a horse’s stable, I stop and I breathe, I realise by acting this way is not what is best for all, only a point of self interest, and by realising this I can stand within one and equality towards this point of self-interest to change my viewpoint and my care taking of the horse’s stable.

When and as I see myself wanting to shift the responsibility of my stable onto someone else on the farm, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am not the only one with responsibilities and by wanting to shift the weight is not fair of me, and only a point of self-interest.

When and as I see myself wanting my time for me and myself, to do whatever, I stop and I breathe I realise that by giving my energy to this thought is only creating more self-interest within me, and more resistance towards my responsibility, meaning I will not be able to live in the physical reality of here, but in my mind on what I could have done with my time if it was not to be spent here at the stables.

When and as I see myself playing out the pattern of reward, where I think I need to be rewarded for whatever I have done, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is only a point of self-interest, and by wanting a reward for everything I do is just not possible, nor is it unconditional as all my actions should be when standing as one and as equal with life.

When and as I see myself creating the wrong idea within my head because I am not rewarded with fun or quality time spent with the horses after the stables has been cleaned. I stop and I breathe, I realise by thinking this is only a self-interest and my reward pattern playing out, and by thinking this, it is only slowing me down and creating a negative experience within me, instead of doing the cleaning unconditionally and within the moment of here.

When and as I see myself only want to do a stable halfway because I am filling in for someone else, I stop and I breathe, I realise by cleaning the stable only halfway for someone else is not standing as one and equality, also meaning that I am not doing it unconditionally or living by the principles that I choose to live by.

I commit and allow myself to let go of my resistance towards cleaning of the stables and doing my part, and to instead breathe in the fresh air around me and help taking care of life, one step at a time.

I commit and allow myself to breathe through the resistance and to stand as one and equal within my creation of resistance to be able to change it towards this point, through breathing and letting go whilst standing up to go and clean the stables given to me.

Day 34 – Limitations through Tiredness

When and as I see myself creating the effect of being tired through my thought process, I stop and I breathe, within this moment I realise that I am busy creating a limitation, a limitation that will have an effect on me, where it controls me, and creates a false believe within the peoples life around me, making me not as effective and productive as much as I want and need to be.

When and as I see myself creating a limitation based on time periods that I am not home, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I should not define my state of being by the hours out working, instead live in breath, and realise that tiredness in only a limitation.

When and as I see myself giving energy to the thought of tiredness after a long day of work, or after one has worked for 12 hours, I stop and I breathe, I realise this is only a limitation, and one should not be limited to live life by the amount of work they have done.

When and as I see myself wanting to rest after a long day, limiting myself I stop and I breathe. I realise this is a pattern playing out, a pattern that works within the reward system in one’s mind, where one think they deserve to get this time for themselves because of the work they have done, this is purely a point of self-interest.

When and as I see myself standing within separation of reality because of being tired, because of the thought I had about tiredness, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am not here, I am not in the moment, and through not being here life passes me by, making me ineffective in what I do, and want to do.

When and as I see myself not taking self-direction and are being controlled by the thought of tiredness, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am not in control of myself, that I am being controlled and by this will affect my physical body by getting tired, making me ineffective in what I do.

When and as I see myself not wanting to do something because I am “tired” and that this activity is going to take more energy then what I have planned for, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is just a pattern and by following this pattern I will only limit myself in doing the least of what I am capable of doing.

When and as I see myself wanting to play a game of manipulation where I am the only contestant, or maybe not, I stop and I breathe I realise by wanting to manipulate other people with my tiredness I stop and I realise that I am not taking responsibility for my actions and the effects it might have, I realise that I am the only one being fooled, and held behind by this manipulation/game I am participating in.

I commit and allow myself to breathe through the thought of tiredness when it comes up to play within my mind, realising that I have to breathe to be here and not in my room in my bed watching series and being lazy.

I commit and allow myself to stand as one and as equal with this thought of tiredness when it arrive in my mind, to be able to change my direction within this limiting thought in my mind, to let go of it, and to be here in the moment of physical reality, breathing.

I commit and allowed myself to live within each and every moment as it presents itself, to be who I am within this breath of now, and to not be the though of tiredness, laziness, and a procrastinator.

Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 33 – Limitations through Tiredness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a limitation for myself through the thought of tiredness, that I believe myself when I am telling myself that I am tired, for not wanting to do anything but just rest, meaning watching series, browsing the web or playing games.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a limitation with time periods within the time where I am not home, and use that time spent away as a guide to let me know if I want to be tired or not, wanting to fool people to think that I am tired, but only fooling myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that one should be tired after a 12hour day of work, limiting my ability to continue with live, and instead want to sit down and rest, doing what I think is resting, but is not as of the fact that all these fun activities also draws energy, instead of living in the moment as breathe, I rely on energies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by this believe of tiredness to think that if I do an activity that is out of my resting boundaries, I will get tired meaning that I would want to sleep for more than 6 hours to be wide awake and be energetic the next day, meaning I am in a polarity of energies, meaning I am being controlled by these energy, not living in the moment of here and now, where energy does not exist, but only the moment and the moment of now, within the breath as here and now, one does not need energy/rest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe by doing something in a higher degree, where more activity takes place, I will burn myself out and will have the need to sleep, instead of just doing it within the moment when I feel like it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am too tired to continue with my work within the Web Development area because of the long day out I had, instead of taking on the challenge, accepting the responsibility and do it within the moment of breath where one does not need the energies of polarity, taking you on a high, then a low.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself thinking that I can fool other people to believe I am tired, and need a break, whereas I am only fooling myself within this believe, and putting this believe in control of me, directing me to do what I think is right for this moment, instead of breathing, realising that I am here, and stop manipulating other people/myself within this believe of tiredness.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stand as one and as equal with this believe, to realise that I am the one who created this believe, and that I should stand within this believe to be able to –self-direct myself within this believe to change myself to become the effective human being that I am.

Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 32 – Limitations Through Tiredness

I have realised yesterday after a very long day out with work, that I am limiting myself in such a clever but, stupid way. I limit myself through recording my hours that I am not home, doing what I want to do.

Let’s say I go out 8 of the clock in the morning, and come back home again at 8 of the clock, then I have recorded myself to be out for 12 hours, and then I tell myself that I am tired now, I want to rest now, not do anything but rest. Meaning watching series, browsing the web or just play a simple game, not even a real game like an RPG, or FPS, because I am tired, and need to rest myself, whereas I think these games will take too much energy, really Julian?

So this limitation goes on with not only games, it was only an example, but also with everything else I do. I tell myself that I am too tired to work on my Wed Development Project that I have, postponing it to the next day thinking that I will have the energy then, whereas this pattern will just repeat and I will be tired again.

The best part is, I am actually not even tired, I just tell myself this so I will look tired (and then get tired because of this thought) so that other people can see I am tired, and then they realise I am tired where they can say to themselves... “Hey, Julian had a long day of work because look at him he’s tired, so we can excuse him for not doing whatever responsibility he has.” In this instance, my responsibilities are to continue with my Web Development Project and my writings (blog) as I am doing right now.

This thought of tiredness that I send out, limits me, no one else, I’m just busy fooling myself, not even the people around me because they know the principles, they know the limitations and patterns that play out, and know that I have to work on this, push through this and do my part, as an example of living life to the fullest of my potential, as one and as equal.

To basically stop this limitation, to stop thinking that I am tired, to stop procrastination and postponement of my responsibilities, to stand as one and as equal with these creations, systems, patterns and limitations that I have created, and from that point on, change where needs to be changed, to become and effective human being, delivering my utmost potential as life.

Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 31 – Into the Deep, Part 3

When and as I see myself shifting blame around in any way, I stop and I breathe. I realise that I am the one responsible for how I am driving and not the car with its weird gears, I realise by blaming the car will not make me a better driver, or solve my problem, but only take my energy which could have been used to improve my driving skills.

When and as I see myself generating excuses for my actions, I stop and I breathe, I realise that these excuses only makes me on my nerves and does not help me in any direction.

When and as I see myself feeding this believe system where I would go on and believe that I am a quite person, and doesn’t like interacting with other people, I stop and I breathe, I slow down my moment and thought process to see this believe system clearly, to realise that I am not a quit person, but I am also not a loud person, but I am who I am within this moment of breathe, as who I am here and now.

When and as I see myself hesitating on my actions because I want an example before I stumble myself into a situation to experience my own well, experience with the specific situation, I stop and I breathe, i realise that by hesitating to participates within life is an act of the mind, a limitation, a fear, when this is realised, I assist myself through breathing where in the same instance I use SELF-Direction to MOVE forward and do what has to be done.

When and as I see myself depending on my brother to make the first choice in what has to follow next within a situation, I stop and I breathe. I realise that by depending on my brother, I will never be able to move and direct myself forward within this world, but instead stand still. By this realisation, I must part myself from the dependency which I have on my brother, to give him space to be able to move and direct, and in the same instance give this chance to myself aswell.

When and as I see myself depending on anyone in this case, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am responsible for what I am doing with this moment, opportunity that has presented itself, I am the responsible to direct myself within this moment, no one else. I instead stand as one and as equal with this dependency that I have, and from this point on move forward, within self direction.

When and as I see myself being afraid of a situation, a challenge that has presented itself to me, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this might be and opportunity that may never presents itself again, and by me being afraid of this situation will take a chance away from me to live it out, to be able to live my utmost potential.

When and as I see myself not being able to set a goal in place, directly after the goal that has to be achieved has been explained, I stop and I breathe. I realise that my mind was in some other place when the information was given, and by not focusing and hearing what is said, I make myself inefficient to the other people, to the group which I work within, where this will have an effect on my performance, and so my/our goal, all in all by not being here and take in the information, I will not be able to direct myself within the moment of breath.

When and as I see myself being nervous and through this not being able to be clear, i stop and I breathe. I realise that my nervousness is affecting my moment of here, and not. Not living here. So I assist myself through breath, to let myself relax, to let go and be here in this moment taking on any challenge that is presented to me.

When and as I see myself wanting to give away responsibility, not standing up for myself to stand tall and strong, i stop and I breathe. I realise by not taking the responsibility I am not standing as one and as equal with life, with reality, with me nor my brother, creating an inequality within me by putting my brother as higher and stronger as me, seeing him as my big brother, and not as my equal.

I commit and allow myself to be here in this moment, to stand as one and as equal with my responsibilities, challenges and goals, to see when I am not aware of my situation, and from seeing this to act by breathing, bringing myself to the here and now, the physical reality.

I commit and allow myself to stand as one and as equal to my brother, not seeing him as someone bigger or better than me just because he is older than me, or be able to communicate more effectively than I am able to.

I commit and allow myself to take on the responsibility that is given to me, to take the challenge, to be able to integrate information into my body, to be able to live within the moment and to use self-direction without hesitation.

I commit and allow myself to be here, to breathe, to realise that I am here and nowhere else, here as life, a living human being, to live out my utmost potential, unconditionally.

Day 30 – Into the Deep, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not feel the car, and enabling me to drive it with confidence, but blaming the 6 gears and clutch for my baddriving that I am practicing, where as I would generate a feeling of nervousness and then start making mistakes, not being here within the moment of now, and driving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses for why my driving sucks in the new area, and why I am on my nerves instead of being self-honest, get to the point of the problem and deal with it, within the assistance of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a believe system within my mind, that I am a quit person, and through this believe limiting myself from exploring, going out in to the world and be myself and be confident within speech when I have to use it to get information from other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be limited by wanting an example of how something must be done, instead of going out there, doing it myself and explore the world with all it’s possibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not be directive within the moment, but instead waiting on my brother to speak up and make the choice for us, being afraid of what might happen if I go to a building to speak to someone and find out information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for wanting to have no responsibilities, and instead rely on my brother to take the responsibility that we share within that moment, among the three of us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid to take on my own challenges that is given to me, not taking the chance when the window of opportunity presents itself within the moment of discussion, an opportunity for me to explore myself for who I am in a situation where I am being thrown into the “Deep Side” of things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unable to create my goal of what has to be achieved within this day, directly after I have been given the information of my objective, creating the problem where I have no self-direction, or idea what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be clouded by the reaction of nervousness within my body, not being able to move forward with self-direction within the moment as the breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want to rely on my brother, as of the feeling of safety I get, having a small comfort zone bubble with me when he is around, knowing that he will have my back when I can’t control the situation with my speech when dealing with other people, instead of being here, in the moment with self-direction, knowing where I want to go, and what I need to do to get to the end point of this goal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want to look at my brother for an answer, or a solution to the problem, instead of being in the moment, slowing it down, through breathing and see the answer/solution to the problem/challenge and then speak up with what I have realised the solution or answer may be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give the lead of where things are headed in any situation to my brother, instead of standing up for myself, being here in this moment of physical reality and take the lead within walking in self-direction/realisation within each moment of breath to create the outcome of the situation in the way it is needed to be created - the most practical solution.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take on the challenge, the responsibility and the lead whenever the opportunity presents itself, whereas I may have the way to beat the challenge, to overcome it in the best practical way possible.

Day 28 –The Realisation of What it is to Care, Part 3

When and as I see myself resisting a point of responsibility, I stop and I breathe. I realise by resisting the point of responsibility, I am not standing as one and as equal with it, taking away my chance to participate within life, to take on the challenge of caring for a bird, to learn more about it and be an up- lifting hand to Life.

When and as I see myself deciding upon a point where I should take responsibility and the facts are based on assumptions, I stop and I breathe. I realise my assumption towards the point is not clear or may be wrong, and therefore I should not act upon it, rather question what I have observed, not making assumptions, and rather find out more about the situation, and then make my decision.

When and as I see myself resisting the point of taking care of Birdy, or any other life form, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is a real living being that I am dealing with and my care taking will have an effect upon this specific living being, and by realising this point, I should work through it by supporting myself with breathing, and being here in the physical reality of now.

When and as I see myself drifting off in space, with my mind, and not being here in the moment, I stop myself and I breathe, I realise this is the mind acting out and by identifying this act, I support myself through breathing, realising that I am here, and nowhere else, but here in this moment of physical reality cutting up the fruit for Birdy.

When and as I see myself having the mind set of setting the bird free, and not really taking care of him, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is a point of resistance towards the care taking of Birdy, if it should be kept here or be set a free, I should still look after it as if I am looking after myself.

When and as I see myself not taking care of myself, I stop and I breathe, I realise that this is my body, the only one I have, and it should be cared for by me, it is my responsibility as it is no one else’s.

I commit and allow myself to look after birdy, in such a way that if I were to be the one to be locked up in a cage – be taken care of unconditionally.

I commit and allow myself to breathe through the moment of resistance, to let it go, and to be here, in this moment of taking care of birdy, and doing so unconditionally.

I commit and allow myself to walk within this realisation of LIFE, and what it means to be alive; to take care, to love, to live, and to appreciate life as one and as equal, doing so unconditionally.

I commit and allow myself to be here, in this moment of breath in the physical reality of now taking care of birdy and myself, unconditionally.

Day 25 – One Day Off, Part 3

When and as I see myself wishing for a day off at work/home, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is only a pattern playing out, and by following this pattern I hinder the experience of now, meaning instead of doing what I wishes to do on my day off, I sit and wish, instead of actually doing it (whatever I need/want to do) through self-direction and expression.

When and as I see myself wanting to praise myself for the hard work that I have done, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is just self-interest and points of justifications to have time for myself, which will be wasted in instead of being productive in this time at home (or at work).

When and as I see myself being tired and telling myself I am tired the whole time, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is a pattern of limitation with tiredness that only slows me down in my work that is being done, making me unproductive especially when at work.

When and as I see myself procrastinating through not doing as I intend, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is just laziness that is preventing me from going out in the world to explore and create new challenges for myself.

When and as I see myself believing the justifications that I have created for why I should get a day off, I stop and I breathe. I realise these justifications are lies, as of it is just giving me false reason to why I need the day off and making the situation ok for when I do get this day of laziness off from work.

When and as I see myself believing my own justifications/lies and through doing so abusing myself, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this self-abuse is damaging to me, preventing me from living in the moment as here and as now, and limiting my living experience as it is through laziness.

When and as I see myself having the desire to be lazy and not do anything at all, I stop and I breathe. I realise this desire for laziness is hindering me, and not allowing myself to move forward, but instead to stagnate.

I commit and allow myself to let go of the idea that I need the day off from work, as this creates justification on why I need it, and to make it ok for me to think that I need this day of, creating a loop within my mind.

I commit and allow myself to realise that in the moment of thought where I think I am tired, that I stop and breathe, to realise that I am here within this moment and that I am not tired, it is just the mind that is in need of shut down for rest, basically bringing myself back to the moment of here as the physical reality out of the mind where one gets tired.

I commit and allowed myself to live each moment in the breath, to be aware of my physical body, and every part of it, to feel the life within, and to realise I am HERE, not in my past, nor in my future.

Day 22 – Uncertainty, Part 3

When and as I see myself separating myself from the words that I am about to speak, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am the creator of these words that I am about to use, and should stand as one and as equal with them, as of it is mine to be expressed through me within the moment and the physical reality of now.

When and as I see myself fearing the words that I have created, I stop and I breath, I realise this fear has power over me, only if I give it the power needed to be in control of me, and with this realisation I assist myself through breathing, and being here in the physical to move through this point, and to see there is no need for fear, for my own words that I create.

When and as I see myself not standing as one and equal with my words, creating uncertainty, I stop and a I breathe, I realise these words are mine to use, as I am the creator of these words, and so do not have to be uncertain of it, while seeing that it is mine, so should I stand within them, as I express it.

When and as I see myself doubting my own words through known facts/personal experiences I stop and I breathe. I realise these events/information lies within my body, as mine and that I have no reason to doubt it, for it is mine, integrated within my physical body.

When and as I see myself creating scenarios in my mind before and event, i stop and I breathe, I realise this is a pattern playing out, and through this realisation I breathe and bring myself back to the moment of here, where as if I would continue I would create unnecessary stress for myself and the words I am about to use.

When and as I see myself just rambling of with my words, and not being self-directive with what I want to say, I stop and I breathe,  or rather slow down in this situation, and realise that I am not making sense, or speaking in confusion.

I commit and allow myself to be directive with my words that I want to use while speaking, saying what I need to say, and being certain within my words as I speak them.

I commit and allow myself to enjoy my conversations I have with other people, not to rush it off and get it over and done with.

I commit myself to express myself within the moment of conversation, saying what I want to say, and be creative, but sure to get the message across.

I commit myself to breathe in, before speaking, and as soon as I start to breathe out, to speak my words loud and clear in the correct order without being in a hurry to get it over and done with.

I commit myself to be here, in the present moment of the physical reality that I experience.

Day 19 – Music & Ego, Part 3

When and as I see myself creating a reality/illusion within the form of a memory in my mind while listening to music, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is only the ego within my mind, my self-interest, and that it is not reality, where as I support myself within this point through breathing and bringing myself back to the physical reality of now.

When and as I see myself creating barriers between me and my friends/family/girlfriend or whoever I may come into contact with, within this memory, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is only a memory that my mind has made up, it is not real, supporting myself through breath, realising each and everyone is equal.  

When and as I see myself denying the fact that life has moved on, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the past is long gone, the memories that I have not made as a teenager are also long gone, and cannot be new “made up Memories” within my mind as this takes me out of the physical reality of now and instead creates illusion, realising this I can stand as one and equal with the made up memories of me being young and free, and from this point on direct myself within the breath, the moment, as the physical reality, here.

When and as I see myself desire the perfect girl to have as my girlfriend, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is only a mind construct, believe and there is no such thing as a perfect someone just for you, and to realise we are all equal, with the support of the breath, in the moment of here as the physical reality.

When and as I see myself thinking that I am special in some way or another, I stop and I breathe. I realise my ego is creating separation within myself and the reality around me, hindering my experience with the environment and the people around me.

When and as I see myself being trapped within myself and not being able to escape, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is only my mind holding me back, and by this realisation an understanding I support myself through breathing, and bringing myself back to the physical reality of the here and now.

When and as I see myself fearing what others might think of me whenever I speak up, or do something, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the thoughts other people have about me are just thoughts, nothing real as of the fact that a thought within itself is just a thought and as an end result, does not need fearing.

When and as I see myself defying myself based on the words of others, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is abuse towards myself, self-abuse, change myself into someone for who I am not and basically living a lie.

When and as I see myself feeling depressed, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is just emotions based on past events which is not real, and that I am giving power to it and allowing it to control me, and through doing this I am busy disabling myself, not being able to be expressive within the moment, as here and not.

When and as I see myself being controlled by my ego, and the song I am listening to, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is only a song with music and lyrics, and the emotions/memories attached to it is my own doing, and through this understanding, I take responsibility for self and what I have created and from this point on forward, within the breathe I direct myself to be here, in the physical reality, with the realisation that the ego is not real, only that of which I can see and feel with my physical being is.

I commit myself to stand as one and equal with the emotions/attachments within this made up memory of mind, and from this point forward, to direct myself to breathe, and to release to let it go.

I commit myself to live in the physical reality of now, in the breath, to see and realise that I am one and equal with my surroundings, and the people I am in contact with.

Day 18 – Music & Ego, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a reality within my own mind, as a memory through listening to music, for the sake of self-interest, and my ego, where this ego gets everything that it wants enjoying every moment of it, until it brings me back to reality, to set me off in sadness, depression, longing for such a life, wanting my childhood back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within this memory that I am the best, the coolest and most intellectual being of all, creating a barrier between me and my fellow  equal human beings, dividing us in separation and not standing as one and equal with them within this memory, where as my ego is the one “standing out” above all with these ideas/concepts of self within this memory I have created within this song.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that this is just a made up memory where I feed my ego with power over me, allowing it to control me within the moment as I am listening to the song “Man Overboard”.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to accept the fact that life has moved on, that I have responsibility now, that I have responsible for myself and no one else is responsible for me, and whatever I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the girl of my dreams, while I know that this girl does not exist, because it is a made up mind construct of believe, where one believe that there is this girl out there specially made just for you, instead of realising that all is one and equal, none is better than the other, or special in some kind of way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am special within this memory that I have made up when listening to this song, to think that there is something about me, that I have and others does not have creating separation within me and the physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel trapped when I experience disillusionment when the memory is done playing within my mind, when thinking of where I am free, and not bound by the systems and patterns of the mind, and through experiencing this, feel depressed, sad and trapped within self, and the world around me, not able to move within the moment of breath in the physical reality.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to worry/fear what other might think of me, that there words and thought have an influence on me and the way I react and do things within this world, That I accept and allow their words and thoughts to shape me into the person I think I am today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the words and thoughts of others, abusing myself through living in a lie, where I believe I am who I am because of what others tell me to be, through me accepting these words, instead of standing as self, in the moment of breath as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lonely/sad when listening to this song because of the fact that none of these memories are true, and through this, actually enjoying the sadness, because somehow somewhere I might get attention out of it, even if I am hiding it for everyone I know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by the negative emotions/attachments toward this memory I have created within my mind by listening to this song.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my ego play games with me, controlling my emotions and in the end controlling me, deciding for me what to feel when, and for how long.

Day 16 – Is this the Real Life or an RPG? Part 3

When and as I see myself creating an illusion within my mind, which I experience as “real” I stop and I breathe. I realise that it is only an illusion, and my reality is here at the moment as what I see it with my physical eyes, which means I embrace the place and the people around me, as real, physical reality.

When and as I see myself creating little boxes for people to identify them with, as higher, lower, or equal to me, I stop and I breathe. I realise that we all have the equal chance to live this life within the moment that is here and now in the physical reality, with no separation, groupings, and little boxes/levels to identify each other.

When and as I see myself experiencing a moment where no one and nothing is real, a moment of me separating myself from reality, I stop and I BREATHE. I realise that this is just an illusion, and this experience is the actually experience that is not real, so I assist and support myself through breathing and bringing myself back to the physical reality what is here and now.

When and as I see myself creating a barrier between me and reality, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is my mind playing its part in self-interest, wanting to separate itself from the moment of here, I support and assist myself through breathing bringing me back to the physical reality.

When and as I see myself limiting my reality with exploring the environment around me, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is just a pattern/program running, and through this understanding I support and assist myself through breathing, and directing myself towards a “goal” of what to explore within the environment through observing it with my physical eyes.

When and as I see myself limiting myself by being shy, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is just a pattern within my mind, and through this understanding I direct myself within the moment of breath, to open my mouth and to speak/say whatever I need to get across to the other person.

When and as I see myself fear for the reaction I might get out of the person whom I am communicating with, I stop, I breathe. I realise that this fear is not real, and whatever the reaction will be from this person, will not hurt/hinder me, except for when and if I allow it.

When and as I see myself defying myself by what others think of me, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the thoughts they have about me is obsolete, it is no use to me, or may influence me except for if I allow it to.

When and as I see myself getting stuck within reality, being stationary within the moment, I stop and I breathe. I realise that I am not moving, I am not Directing myself to the point where I need to be, so I assist myself within the moment of breath, to accept the challenge and responsibility to move myself, to stand up and do what I have to do.

I commit and allow myself to free the people I capture within my little prisons within my mind, to be able to be see them as my one and my equal.

I commit and allow myself to be just here, in this moment, to be aware of my environment, the people within and to realise, this is real, this is the physical reality and that I am alive, just as them.

I commit and allow myself to explore, to set myself a ‘goal’ within the moment of breath, then to stand up and direct myself towards my goal I have set through observing my environment and reality I am experiencing NOW.

I commit and allow myself to speak up when spoken to, to speak up when words are in the need of crossing my lips to communicate effectively, bold but respectful toward my equal.