Day 78 – Childhood Memories, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think back about my childhood memories to get that awesome feeling of being free and without any responsibility to where I was just a child, thinking about a whole inseparable family having an awesome time, whereas after this memory I will face disillusionment which is an experience where I don’t want to face the reality of here, but go back instead, starting to wish…

So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish for an instant that I can go back to these times where I can relive these memories and be a child for just one more time, meaning I am not here, not accepted and allowing my physical reality for what it is.

I forgive myself for creating, accepting and allow myself to let this pattern within my mind be followed automatically every time I feel that I want to break free/away from my responsibilities (Which is my trigger point).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find comfort within these memories of my childhood, where I feel I can escape to into a different reality where I can just drift off, instead of being here, completing my goals and living my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself yet to let go of these memories, to free myself of this pleasurable burden that I am stuck with, to be able to life in the physical reality of what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see these memories of my childhood as pleasurable but also as a burden because of the negative emotions I experience afterwards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an emotional bond towards the song “If I could walk 500 miles” Due to a holiday that I have with my family when I was younger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to relive my childhood memories when I think of this song, meaning it is a trigger point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall victim of this pattern whenever my trigger point has been activated, to then go back into my mind and experience a vague memory of my childhood with immense feelings attached to these memories.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to let go of these memories and the feelings attached to enable myself to enjoy the song for what it is in the physical reality of here, in the present. 

Day 31 – Into the Deep, Part 3

When and as I see myself shifting blame around in any way, I stop and I breathe. I realise that I am the one responsible for how I am driving and not the car with its weird gears, I realise by blaming the car will not make me a better driver, or solve my problem, but only take my energy which could have been used to improve my driving skills.

When and as I see myself generating excuses for my actions, I stop and I breathe, I realise that these excuses only makes me on my nerves and does not help me in any direction.

When and as I see myself feeding this believe system where I would go on and believe that I am a quite person, and doesn’t like interacting with other people, I stop and I breathe, I slow down my moment and thought process to see this believe system clearly, to realise that I am not a quit person, but I am also not a loud person, but I am who I am within this moment of breathe, as who I am here and now.

When and as I see myself hesitating on my actions because I want an example before I stumble myself into a situation to experience my own well, experience with the specific situation, I stop and I breathe, i realise that by hesitating to participates within life is an act of the mind, a limitation, a fear, when this is realised, I assist myself through breathing where in the same instance I use SELF-Direction to MOVE forward and do what has to be done.

When and as I see myself depending on my brother to make the first choice in what has to follow next within a situation, I stop and I breathe. I realise that by depending on my brother, I will never be able to move and direct myself forward within this world, but instead stand still. By this realisation, I must part myself from the dependency which I have on my brother, to give him space to be able to move and direct, and in the same instance give this chance to myself aswell.

When and as I see myself depending on anyone in this case, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am responsible for what I am doing with this moment, opportunity that has presented itself, I am the responsible to direct myself within this moment, no one else. I instead stand as one and as equal with this dependency that I have, and from this point on move forward, within self direction.

When and as I see myself being afraid of a situation, a challenge that has presented itself to me, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this might be and opportunity that may never presents itself again, and by me being afraid of this situation will take a chance away from me to live it out, to be able to live my utmost potential.

When and as I see myself not being able to set a goal in place, directly after the goal that has to be achieved has been explained, I stop and I breathe. I realise that my mind was in some other place when the information was given, and by not focusing and hearing what is said, I make myself inefficient to the other people, to the group which I work within, where this will have an effect on my performance, and so my/our goal, all in all by not being here and take in the information, I will not be able to direct myself within the moment of breath.

When and as I see myself being nervous and through this not being able to be clear, i stop and I breathe. I realise that my nervousness is affecting my moment of here, and not. Not living here. So I assist myself through breath, to let myself relax, to let go and be here in this moment taking on any challenge that is presented to me.

When and as I see myself wanting to give away responsibility, not standing up for myself to stand tall and strong, i stop and I breathe. I realise by not taking the responsibility I am not standing as one and as equal with life, with reality, with me nor my brother, creating an inequality within me by putting my brother as higher and stronger as me, seeing him as my big brother, and not as my equal.

I commit and allow myself to be here in this moment, to stand as one and as equal with my responsibilities, challenges and goals, to see when I am not aware of my situation, and from seeing this to act by breathing, bringing myself to the here and now, the physical reality.

I commit and allow myself to stand as one and as equal to my brother, not seeing him as someone bigger or better than me just because he is older than me, or be able to communicate more effectively than I am able to.

I commit and allow myself to take on the responsibility that is given to me, to take the challenge, to be able to integrate information into my body, to be able to live within the moment and to use self-direction without hesitation.

I commit and allow myself to be here, to breathe, to realise that I am here and nowhere else, here as life, a living human being, to live out my utmost potential, unconditionally.

Day 7 – The Extraordinary Experience, Part 3

When and as I see myself creating new fixed points in time for new experiences or anything I want to attach emotions/feeling to which I can refer back later, I stop, I breathe and slow down the moment, to see the pattern playing out, and realising this is only a program, through this understanding I realise that it is an emotion/feeling which creates polarity within self, and I should not give my power/energy to this emotion/feeling, through it is not real.

When and as I see myself creating a storage place within my mind from the experience or event that is taking place, I stop, I breath, and slow down the moment to see the pattern playing out, and realise this is only a program, and through this understanding I realise that by following this pattern will have a negative effect within me, and I should not give my power towards creating this place within me for future references, so I stop and breath.

When and as I see myself living out past emotions and feelings about a similar event I stop and breathe. I realize that my participation within this pattern will hinder me within the moment and give me a setback effect of disillusionment.

When and as I see myself finding myself being bored with what I do, I stop, and breathe. I realise that by finding what I do uninteresting or boring im busy referring back to the past, and projecting into the future, meaning I am not here, and in the now.

When and as I see myself creating and extraordinary event within my life, as the moment/event took place, I stop and breathe. I realise by doing this, I will create an illusionary world wherein I will be able to live, but with setbacks, known as disillusionment.

When and as I see myself referencing my past and future, I stop and breathe. I realise that by referencing my past and future with the present will never allow me to enjoy myself with what I am doing, and always have a judgmental mind, with back chat.

When and as I see myself giving power to the pattern where I reference my past and future, to the present, I stop and breathe. I realise that by giving away my power to the system will only make it stronger and this make it more complex for me to release myself from this pattern.

When and as I see myself living in separation with myself, and the reality of now, by being in the past, I stop and breathe. I realise that by being separated with myself and the reality creates an illusion where in I live, where I can never be in the moment, or be able to stand as one and equal.

 Commitments

I commit myself to release these fixed points through realising that I am the creator of these emotions/feeling and that I should not give my power to it, to be able to screw me over later in time.

I commit myself to release the pattern through breathing, and to realise it is only a program.

I commit myself to embrace the emotions and feelings, and to walk them through as one and equal, to experience it at full, to be able to let go, as one, as equal.

I commit myself to live in the moment of now, through breathing in everything I do, to be able to do it at my utmost potential.

I commit myself to live in oneness and equality to accept the reality as it is in this moment of time, in the present, to realise the past is long gone and that I live there no more, but only here and now.

Day 5 – The Extraordinary Experience

First experience, very common but extraordinary, is it not? Your mind see it as extraordinary, because there is something new that you have experienced, can live out, explore, something else you can be – for example my very first time I played a computer game. It was mind blowing, I could not believe what I was experiencing, how wonderful and awesome it was, to run around in an artificial world shooting other people, or building my very own war base to conquer my greatest enemy, or to constructing my own city and be the ruler of all, or my favorite type of game… Where I can run around defeat creatures and explore the world that was created for me.

But, what happens after the second or third time experiencing these cool types of games these “new extraordinary experiences”? It starts to faint, and become normal. You get used to it, it seems to be very ordinary, and you get bored with it. Now you realize there’s something missing and you want to go out in the world and find more and more of these games to play to fill this ‘gap’ or ‘hole’ you have created by not being satisfied with what you have, and had experienced. You keep on remembering the first time, how awesome it was, but it seems that this effect just isn’t there anymore, with a horrible fallback, of sadness and emptiness, remembering only the good old times...

This is the point I want to make, with everything in life it works like this, and through this process of ‘how my mind was programmed to perceive it’ I have fucked myself. I find no interest in anything I do, or want to do because I know how it will end, in just another daily activity, or interest being repeated with a sad memory of the very first time where it was so new, so extraordinary to me, and referencing it to where I am now, and it just doesn’t feel the same anymore.

Now the pattern works as follow: Through recalling memories from the past, from your first experiences if it was an extraordinary experience, with the emotions and feelings attached to the memory it is taking away the moment of now, of living in the present. It takes away all of the new possibilities, the new experience, the new extraordinary, the PRESENT of now.

This is where the first principle of what I live by comes into action - Realising and living my utmost potential to realise that this is all just programs/patterns imprinted into my mind, with some feelings and emotions attached to it and to work through it by writing myself to freedom, and while doing so, to live out my utmost potential in every moment of breath even if it is through playing computer games.

Extraordinary Dictionary Definition - Beyond what is ordinary or usual: Highly unusual or exceptional or remarkable

Imprint Dictionary definition - We imprint our ideas onto our children