Day 95 - Sum 41, Part 3

When and as I see myself longing back to my past, and feel that a part of me is missing, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is an memory of the past and only attachments of the past and that these attachments will only hinder me from living in the present to my fullest utmost potential.

So I commit myself to let go of this memory of who I was in the past, and to allow myself to live within the moment of what is here, in the physical reality.

When and as I see myself feeling lost within myself, that there is no one in control of my life, not even me, then I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is a situation where I am not the directing principle within my life, and by not being the one directing myself, I will be lost and not knowing what to do.

So I commit myself to as and when I see this point arise, that I then breathe, to create stability within myself, to be focused on self, and then from that point on directing myself, to be the directing principle of my life.

When and as I see myself being trapped, and not as "free" as I used to be as a child, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am still free, I am not bound to anything, and to see that I am the one in control.

So i commit myself to accept my reality for what it is, and to stop lingering on the past and how things were, and in this instance of realisastion to allow myself to let go of the past and the attachments/ideas I have of it, so that I can live here, in the breathe.

When and as I see myself wanting to revert to my past self, and not accepting my present self, and encourage change from what is here, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this will only create conflict within myself of where I feel that I am not myself, and thus then trying to go back into the past.

So I commit and allow myself to let go of this idea of who I was in the past, and to let go of the person I was in the past, and to instead accept the person for who I am now, and from that point on, within taking self-responsibility change and adjust myself to be the utmost of what I can be.

When and as I see myself dwelling on these songs and the memories of what they bring to me, just to be able to get fix of emotions and attachments, i stop and I breathe, i realise that this will only bring me sadness, and desires of my past and feelings of wanting to go back.

So I commit and allow myself to let go of these attachments and emotions when and as I am listening to these songs, to be able to enjoy the music for what it is, and not for the "fix" of emotions and feelings.

When and as I see myself giving away my power to the emotions and feelings, to such an extend that it "controls" me, I stop and I breathe, I realise that power I give away to these things actually have an physical effect on my body, and its impacting me in a negative way, weakwning my posture.

Also, when and as i see myself giving away my power to these emotions and feeling, I am also letting it (myself) manipulate my environment, and possible others, to show them my "pain" so that they should be "easy" on me, or whatsoever.

So I commit and allow myself to realise that I am the one in control, and thus not giving my power away to these feelings and emotions of my past and how "perfect" it seemed to be, and to allow myself to breathe, to be here, and to be in the physical as life.

When and as I see myself creating comfort within the idea of having lots of money, i stop and I breathe, I realise that money should not be my main focus point of being free, but rather be a tool that can be used to give me freedom to move within place in this world.

So I commit myself to let go of the idea of having lots of money to feel free, and instead start living my life in a sense of where I practice what I preach, which is being free, from inner conflicts and fears.

When and as I see myself taking comfort in the idea of I can always just rely on my parents for support, I stop and I breathe, I realise that by living by this concept i will not only just disable myself from mopving forward, but I will also hinder myself into becoming the greatest, bestest person as I can be, a person that I ought to be, because of this Idea that my parents will always be there to take care and support me.

So i commit myself to let go of this idea, to realise and see that I have to move myself, direct myself and take responsibility for myself to be able to move forward and change the lives of not just everyone I get in contact with, but also my own, in a manner that is best for all.

So again, I commit myself to let go of my past memories of a comforting home, of parents caring, of money always being there for my survival, and start realising that I should be creating my own environment and space, with all of these comforts, but also in the same breathe, be free of it, with no attachments.

 I commit myself to be here, to be aware, to be in the physical reality, in my body, and as my body, within each and every breath I take.

Day 87 - Not filling the shoes, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be triggered into these thoughts and feelings through thinking about “how I am supposed to be” when and around other people, giving me a rush of thoughts on how I am supposed to be when around other people (or grown-ups) and then acting accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by this reaction/trigger point that I actually change my behaviour, start “acting” grown up, and in the same time hitting some nerves which sometimes make me feel like I can’t fill the shoes, or that I am going to lose myself within them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be smaller than this world, to believe that I need to be big to be able to fill myself with the world, and because of this thought/experience, I feel that I can’t fill the shoes, and take self-responsibility and direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create doubt within myself because of this experience, and through having this doubt not allowing myself to move myself forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need to be a grown-up to be able to do what “grown-up” people do, instead just be myself, obviously according to where I am, for instance a meet – be professional.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need decades of experience, just to show someone a better way at doing things – learning – and not trust myself where I can actually just show them with real time proof.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not appear as a strong/bold person, due to my past experiences, thus define myself as weak, and life up to this experience, whereas I can easily recreate the image I need in an instance – in the physical as here.

Day 86 - Not filling the shoes

So, here I am again same point as in realisation of self, in some degree. This time I am still in the third person view of my life and my reality. Here the problem start with me having to act and be grown up, filling the shoes of responsibility. Meaning with my work I have to do, and all my other random things in my life, for instance taking self-direction and self-responsibility to build my life, and create my life for what I want and need out of it to live and be free!

Here I experience this feeling of having shoes, massive in size, and I have to step into them. As I do, I feel like my substance of my existence, everything within me, myself, are just not enough to fill these shoes. How does a child fill them all up with such a small body/substance? Even though I am 23 years old (In a few days) I still feel like a kid, a child. A person who should not yet take on such responsibilities of life, controlling and taking direction of self with, steering the ship of life through the crackling storm that life has to offer. How does grown-ups do this, what or who is a grown up? I am an adult, does that make me a grown up? What am I? Why can’t I fill these shoes to take on life as I am supposed to?

How do I walk up to someone 20 years older than me, talk to them as if I have the knowledge/experience of the world, and offering them something beneficial for their family, and taking the responsibility of their children’s future for that short time I spend with them into my hands?

How to appear strong and bold, be the authority in a sense that is not offensive, but instead be directive? How to fill these shoes, if it feels like I am a 10 year old kid still? 

Day 85 – Realisation of self, Part 3

When and as I see myself not living in wholeness within myself but in separation I stop and I breathe. I realise that by living in such condition will only create conflict within myself and my self-acceptance., so as and when I see this appearance within myself I stop, I take a breath, and I direct myself in the physical to ground myself within acceptance of self.

When and as I see myself not accepting my patterns and beliefs as my own, I stop and I breathe, I realise by not accepting my creations as my own, I am only living in conflict within myself, and by this will create resistance whereas I will not be able to change myself effectively that is best for me and for all.

When and as I see myself comparing my reality and what I do in my reality with those of others, I stop and I breathe, I realise that by comparing realities will not give me the solutions or motivations required to be able to move myself, and this comparison will only create conflict and envy within myself.

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to accept the ideas of others, that in return will define me, I stop and I realise that these ideas that others have of me, does not determine who I am nor does it define me for what a kind of person I am.

When and as I see myself falling into the realm of automation within myself, and not being in self-direction and responsibility I stop and I breathe, I take a deep breath in, and out, to ground myself as here in the physical, and take on the challenge of self-responsibility and direction to move myself forward.

When and as I see myself believing I am who I am within these patterns that I exists off, and that these patterns needs to be enhanced to increase or better my living experience, I stop and I breathe to realise that this is in fact not who or what I am, or need to enhance myself, thus I should stop myself, and bring myself to the physical, as here.

I commit and allow myself as who and what I am in this particular moment in time, to accept all my creations within my mind, to walk within these pattern, see the flaws, and by seeing/realising these flaws, then accordingly change/apply corrective application as applicable to become a being of life, as a living expression.

I commit and allow myself to be here, in the physical, be awareness, be life, to live my utmost potential for what is best for all.

Day 84 - Realisation of self, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to life in separation with myself and not accepting myself for who and what I am when I am communicating with people, to not accept these “specific” patterns as my own and who I am in that particular moment of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this is the pattern that makes me for who I am and that only when this pattern of self and communication shows, only then am I myself, in my element as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life as a third person viewer, believing that things will happen in my life automatically, by just observing instead of actually being here in the physical and directing my own life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with other people to see how they are moving and I am not, and by doing this feels like life is just passing by me with no interesting things happening.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let other people define me for who I am by pointing out these moments where I am on my best, and by that acting out my life as who I am instead of actually be myself, whoever that may be without these patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a person that is not in direct control within my own life, that I am not the sole person walking in the moment of here in the physical and as self-direction and self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I haven’t yet accepted and allowed myself to accept myself  and all my patterns and creations of who I am as truly mine, and from that point on forward be able to stand as myself, and change where change is needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am who I am because of these specific patterns and that I should always keep them and improve on them to enhance my experience as who I am, instead of just walking in the physical as here.

I forgive myself that I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to accept my patterns/believes as my equal, that I am them as they are me, to be able to change them without resistance.

Day 83 – Realisation of self

Have you ever had a moment in time where you just randomly think back and reflect on your life, and saw this clear image of yourself interacting with a person and where they’d point out a very peculiar trait or signature of you, yourself and who you are in those certain moments, for an type of phrase or pattern that you have just used that is “unique” to only you?

I have experience this today for the first time, and within this I have realise that with these patterns that I use to communicate with and how I interact with people are actually who I am. Within this weird realisation, I obviously realised that it is me, my trait, my pattern and no one else’s and that I have never in my life before really accepted it as my own. I have always played in this body of mine, since I have been a child, as if I am in third person view. That I can look at the world through someone’s eyes that is not mine, but actually is. Meaning always looking at everything around me happening, seeing people moving forward and creating life for themselves while I am just sitting here waiting for my life to start happening, doing so in the third person view.

So within this realisation I have seen that the times that I have reflected on just now, where people would point out “me”, I have been playing in that short instance of my life as a first person, for I was directing and controlling myself, for I was in my “element” and accepted in that moment myself for who I am and moved myself, and enjoyed each and every second of it, for I was here. But these moments are so rare. That is how I had this realisation, through seeing this point I can now start moving myself within these patterns and motions, accepting them as mine and that I have created them, I am responsible for each and every action I take.

And through doing so, accepting all these things as mine, and purely by doing so, only then can I start changing myself to where I can live out my utmost potential where I am me for who I am and not just a pattern playing out thinking I am me.

Obviously through using the tools that I have acquired, changing my patterns and believes to life in self-direction and self-responsibility. 

Day 59 – Speaking Up, Part 3

When and as I see myself being nervous around other people while speaking to them, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I have nothing to be afraid of when speaking to them, realise that the information I have is solid, and integrated into my body, and therefore I have no need to be nervous.

When and as I see myself not being serious over my work I do, I stop and I breathe, I relaise that I have to be serious about it, but in the same time I can allow myself to have fun, and make jokes with the people I am dealing with to get them more involved into conversation etc.

When and as I see myself as being a clumsy guy because I don't (or didn't) know how to speak to others, or by becoming nervous about it, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this nervousness is just because I am not used to doing this type of work where I have to deal with people, and by doing this everyday, supporting myself within the breathe and with self-direction I will become better at what I do.

When and as I see myself defying myself as clumsy all over, with everything I do, and not only for when I have to speak, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is just a believe system, and not who I am.

When and as I see myself wanting to hide from people because I feel shy or whatever, I stop and I breathe, to be able to realise that I will have to go out there and talk to these strangers anyway, in one way or another, and by postponing this will only waste time, where as I should instead take the self-direction and responsibility to do it now.

When and as I see myself believing that I am a weak person just because I have troubles speaking, I stop and I breathe, I realise that this is a point in only one aspect, and this is not who I am, i have my strong points, and weak points, where as I am able to work on both, and through realising this I can take the self-responsibility and self-direction to push through these points to better them, to stand within them as one and as equal to be able to change it from there.

I commit and allow myself to be boundless by the point of weakness I experience through supporting myself by breathing and to realise that I am here in the physical and that I have nothing to be afraid of, meaning I should allow and direct myself to break through this weakness to be able to live my utmost potential.

I commit and allow myself to appear as being a strong person, through standing within my words, within the moment of here as I speak, to mean each and every word, and to be aware of each and every word I use, to make them mine, and to express myself within these words I use, not only for the person I am speaking with, but for myself as well, to be able realise that I am here as breathe, as words, speaking with a strong and clear voice.

Day 58 – Speaking Up, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel nervous while speaking to other people, and to let this nervousness that I am experiencing influence my direction in conversation, taking away my control over my words I have/need to speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am playing a game, and not taking my work up as important as I should, and because of this I have allowed myself to mess around or take time off where I don't have the time to take off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a clumsy guy who can't handle the interaction between two humans, namely myself and the person I am in contact with while speaking.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this clumsy guy is who I am, for I have never really had self-direction within my movement, and through not having this self-direction I have build up this believe system from which I have created the image of myself as being a clumsy guy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I am a shy person, wanting to hide from everyone because of all the stories I have heard from when I was a baby, where people would refer to me as a shy child that does not like to interact with other people, and through these words, I have build this character as me, relying on this information, and using it as an excuse for why I am quit, or not talk-active.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a weak person just because I don't have to words to express myself, and define myself as weak all over, in every aspect just because of this assumption that I have made, while knowing of my strong points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this weakness shows when I do open my mouth even when I do so with self-direction - basically a point of back-chat when done talking and busy reflecting upon the past event.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be limited by this point of weakness that I have experienced, for I have allowed myself to stretch this point over all aspects of my life instead of leaving it as the one concentrated point, focusing myself on this point to be able to correct it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this show in my speech whenever I would speak to someone, to let this give me bad results in the end, not opening the doors I need opened.

Day 57 – Speaking Up

So, this week that had just passed I have realised that I am not playing a game anymore while working. This means that I am not nervous anymore when I have to speak to another person while on the job. I have realised that shit just got real and that I need to act like it, instead of been a clumsy guy trying to communicate with a total stranger.

Meaning, I was anxious every damn time I had to open my mouth and speak to a person, which showed where that person could see it, and it created an effect where they could see that this guy is "weak" in terms of communicating with someone else. This had an impact on me and my information I had to give over to the other person. This had resulted in a situation where they would not take me serious, where they probably thought that I am a phony or something of the sort.

This has now turned around, when I do speak up, I am able to present my information that I have, doing so clearly and effectively. This has been a game changer for me since I have realise this point, to realise that I am speaking in confidence, that only now am I able to take myself seriously of what I am doing, and by realising this and walking within my words has it only had good results for me. 

Day 46 – Why Hesitate, Part 3

When and as I see myself hesitate to make a call because I can’t see the people I am about to talk to, I stop and I breathe. I realise that by stopping myself from doing my work, jsut by not knowing some things is only hindering me and my process of getting the job done.

When and as I see myself fearing the phone call that I am about to make, I stop and I breathe, I realise that this fear is created by me, and is not real, only an obstacle in my way which I have to overcome, and I can do so by assisting and directing myself within the moment of movement.

When and as I see myself fearing miscommunication with another human being, I stop and I breathe, I realise that this is just a communication barrier and that I can overcome this barrier through using different words, and being more clear whilst speaking, and through doing this also realising that fearing this point is only a waste of potential energy that could have being used in making me more productive within the moment.

When and as I see myself taking work personally because of communication barriers, i stop and I breathe, and within this moment I slow down this process to see and to realise what is happening, and by doing this see that I only have to use self-direction within the moment, from one person dropping a call only means that they did not understand me, nothing for me to worry or fear about.

When and as I see myself being impatient with people that does not understand me, I stop and I breathe, I put myself in their position to experience what they are experiencing, realising that I should not be impatient, because I would have wanted the person to explain the concept for me until I understand(when in their position), and instead direct the conversation to a point where we can both touch ground and understand each other, and only then explain the concept in a way they would understand.

When and as I see myself facing inequality within myself and my level of confidence, I stop and I breathe, I Realise that this will only hinder me, and then start directing myself in each and every moment, instead of just relying on concepts and ideas I have of myself.

I commit and allow myself to live in each moment of breath, being here in the physical as it exists, to direct self, to reach my fullest and utmost potential of each and every moment.

I commit and allow myself to stand as one and as equal with my inequalities I face within myself, and to walk with them as they are mine, to embrace them, and then as a final act, change myself in a way that is best for all.

Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 45 – Why Hesitate, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate before I make a call because of the fact that I can’t see the person and through that know what I might face when speaking to them, basically relying on my judgement which in any case might not be accurate at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate to make a phone call because I fear that I might not understand the person and have to ask them to explain a concept more than once, in return making them impatient with me and not my understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the person I am calling might not understand me, and that I have to repeat myself over and over with the person, and then after some repeating they drop the call.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when a person drops my call because they could not understand me for the reason being; communication barriers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get impatient with people that do not understand English as well as I do, and in return makes communication very difficult for us both.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate on the phone call because of this communication barrier and therefore creating impatiens and the actually hesitation because I don’t want to struggle with people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by this impatiens, through hesitating and not wanting to do the calls that I have to, instead of directing myself and push through this challenge I am facing with communicating with other people.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have confidence just to be proven wrong for when I get into a situation where I do not deal with my work, just to realise that my confidence only lies within my work I do and not in the over all.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to walk within self-direction, instead I walked in confidence which is built upon images, thoughts and patterns which all in all is not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on the idea of confidence which exists of images thoughts and patterns to build up the feeling of confidence instead of self-directing myself in every moment of breath, knowing that by being directed by self, I will not be needing confidence as of the fact that I will know what I want and need to do to get to my objective, or to complete it.

Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 36 – Responsibility with stables, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to life in the moment of here, doing my stable in a way of just getting it finished (half heartedly), instead of doing it the way I should, all because of the fact that I am living in my mind in some other non-existing reality, instead of being here with my responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like cleaning this extra stable is a burden for me at this moment, to feel that I could have done something else within this time, letting my mind wonder of and following it to where ever, instead of breathing in the fresh horse poop air (... hehe) and be here enjoying life, to have the privilege to experience life with farm animals and the care taking of them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the cleaning of the stables is not my responsibility, but someone else’s and therefore I do not have to clean it up to the standard of what is expected, creating thoughts of resistance within this moment of believe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the idea of “I have better things to do with my time” when the responsibility is given to me, creating thoughts within my mind when at stables cleaning them, thoughts where I am busy doing other “enjoyable” things like playing computer games, or watching series.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the point of going to the stables, wishing I do not have to do it so early in the morning, especially when I have been given a second stable to clean.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist cleaning up the stables, not wanting to go there, through doing this creating a drag in the actual physical cleaning of the stable, instead of breathing and allowing myself to clean the stable, where as this will make me more effective in doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to shift the responsibility that has been given to me upon someone else for it is not my stable to clean, because of a point of self-interest, where as my time will be used and that I do not feel like giving it.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to be selfish with my time, not wanting to spend it on someone else, because I have a believe that I deserve this time for me, because there is a reward system still within my mind where every deed I do needs a reward given, meaning I am not living to my fullest potential, unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I need to be rewarded for everything I do, thus creating a resistance within me while doing the stable because it feels like I am not being rewarded but instead being punished.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that cleaning the stables is a punishment toward me for I have no actual horse to look after, for I have no connection to any of the horses, for I have no “fun” or “joy” with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed these thoughts to cross my mind and to accept them as a believe and through this acceptance I have created an inequality within me and towards the horses creating the experience of caring for them negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do the stable halfway and leave the hard work for the next person who are going to clean this stable, making it just more difficult for them.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stand within oneness and equality with the horses, and the care taking of the horses, for they are the ones spending 12 hours in that confined space, and so it has to be clean and most comfortable as possible and thus must not be influenced by me for my self-interest that plays out in the moment of the cleaning and care taking. 

Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 35 – Responsibility with stables

I was given the responsibility today to do a second stable, and while doing this I realised that I did it half heartedly. This stable is someone else’s responsibility and I am just filling in on their behalf, not realising that all of the stables here are everyone’s responsibility equally, we just divided the work in sections so that one person does not have to do all of the work.

So while cleaning up the horse’s stable this morning I had a lot of thoughts about what I am doing, and why I am doing it, and how I resisted doing it, without realising this simple concept of why I am actually doing it in the first place.

I rushed myself to get done because, hey it’s not my stable, not my responsibility, I am just filling in for someone, so why should I clean it as if it is my stable, taking care of the business as I would when doing my own stable? They will clean it up nice and tidy when they have to do it again tomorrow. This was my attitude this morning, until this afternoon when I realised that I should not be thinking and acting this way, it’s a fucked up perspective to have, this is a horse’s sleeping place for the night and I am busy messing this up for him because of my self-interest, and not wanting to take the responsibility and time to help someone else and the horse out.

So I realised this, and had to take action on my way of seeing and doing this extra responsibility, through breathing and directing myself, whilst being in the moment of here. Directing self to do this as if it is my own, my sole responsibility even thou it is not, this is in correlation with the principle of: give as you would like to receive. Meaning if someone else had to do my stable (Basically giving me their labour), I would want them to do it as if it were their own, not leaving a mess for me to clean, and so I have to do this stable the way I would like to receive it, simple as that.

So, this means I have to change my way, stand as one and as equal within this responsibility I resist, and then from this point forward I can change it through self-forgiveness and self-application – will be done in next post.

Day 26 –The Realisation of What it is to Care.

The realisation of what it is to really take care of another life form. In this instance a little bird, that has been injured, do not know how thou but, I was giving the responsibility to look after him for the next few weeks or so. I am going to call it birdy, short and sweet.

At first I said yes I’ll do it but, with hesitation because I know this is going to take a moment out of my day that I have to spend with the bird, giving him food/water, cleaning his cage and then my room, he seems to like it to aim outside of the cage when taking his poo, shooting all over, maybe he has a personal best record which he wants to break on how far he can get that poo to go? Anyway, this time I was not really willing to give away for this bird, I felt he needed to be set free, but is too weak to be set free, so from the first moment of this responsibility I received, I was doing it just because I have to, and for the worst I did this with resistance, a lot of resistance.

I have birdy for a week and a few days now, and within this whole time every morning when I would wake up, I would do my own thing first, taking “care” of me, self-interest. Then after a while I will give him food, with the mood of I don’t want to do this man, come on, this is my time being wasted, all because of the thought that we should set it free of course.

In this time, I have tried to let him free in my room, just to give him some space and not to be trapped in his cage, as of the fact that he comes from the wild, he was not tamed to live in a cage or by the presence of a human, and so this must be some horrible experience for him.

 Because of the thought I had (about we should set him free), I would try and get him out of the cage to be free for a bit, and with limits within my room so he doesn’t escape. So as I went to the cage, he would already start to breathe fast, and make some soft whistling sound, (and take his first poo, aiming somewhere outside the cage, of course) and as I would stuck my hand in the cage, he would jump around madly, with somewhere in between another poo taken, more than once. I have never caught him until this day. I am still trying.

All of the above was done with resistance until my brother came into my room, and spoke about the birdy, and the care taking. As he came in, he asked me who am I when I am taking care of this bird, who am I in the present moment of opening that cage door, taking the food/water out to replace it? He would go on to ask me this question, until I’d answer him, which I couldn’t, because who am I in that moment of doing it? I am not Julian, this is just a name with tags connected to it, linking all my information together of “who I am suppose to be”, none of it is me, I am Here not in the past, and what/how I do it within the moment of here, is who I am. So with birdy, I was basically only a point of resistance each and every time trying to connect with him, to let him see it is save he can trust me, I will not hurt him, but how can he trust me if he experience a point of resistance within me, every time when I am working with him, and trying to earn his trust?

At this moment, I had the realisation that I am not really taking care of this life form I had in my care and my responsibility, one that I am suppose to be one and equal with, in every breath of every moment, one I should be taking care off as I would take care of myself. So I realised this whole point where I could clearly see I was not taking care of him, and so it reflects back on me, showing myself that I am not really taking care of me, and myself. The concept I had of taking care (of myself or any living form) was all wrong, this brought a tear (or two) to my eye, which I could not stop for the first time in my life, I could not hold back my own reaction, so deep and strong was this realisation. In this same moment I also realised what LIFE is. I realised what shit we as humans do to this earth, the one and only thing that provides us with food/water, shelter, and LIFE, to be able to live here and experience the magnificence, to have that one chance (your life) to life as one as equal with all, taking care of all, the environment, the beautiful earth, instead of destroying it. All of this was realised within one moment. A moment of where I have to make a stance for myself, for life, for all as one and as equal.

This I will have to do step by step, beginning small, with little birdy in his cage and of how scared he is of me, taking it breath by breath, releasing the resistance and working in harmony with birdy, and instead within the moment of doing, actually expressing myself, enjoying replacing his food/water, taking care of him in a way as if I am the one in that cage, injured. Really taking take, and not just filling up of food/water. Because, how would you like to be taken care of, if you were to put in a cage, for protection, to get you healed up before you are set a free again? 

Day 8 – Procrastination

Every day of the week I have duties to be done at a fixed point in time, otherwise if I don’t get it done, I will affect the flow of work for others, this is no problem for me - I do it on time. Where the problem with procrastination and I comes into action is when I have to write up my blog, or when I have other stuff to do for myself.

Now, for my procrastination and my personal duties - every time when it’s an hour to half an hour before these duties that I have to do, I will stall my own duties, they don’t have fixed points in time which it has to be done and it will not hinder any other people, but only myself, if it’s being postponed until the last minute, understand?

So, the pattern works as follow; I will think about writing my blog for the day, but its half past 3, where as my other duties starts at 4, then in my mind I will tell myself; “no, do it after your 4o’clock duties, 30 minutes will not be enough time to do the writing in, or it will affect my work of flow, hindering me”, but in reality it is more than enough time to do the writing. This happens again later the same day, after the duties, I start telling myself that I will do it after dinner, shower or whatever, and this is how the pattern continues.

Postponing my time by this pattern, usually have a consequence, where I might get very busy after all my duties are done and by that time, I still haven’t done my writing/blog which is in reality, quite late at night, where one will go again about it (Procrastinating) and say “I am to tired now, lets do it some other time” etc. This is only one of the examples. Another example might be where I have been postponing myself from learning how to play the piano for a whole month now. Will I ever get to learn how to play the piano, if I keep this procrastination up? No, it is time for change.

Day 7 – The Extraordinary Experience, Part 3

When and as I see myself creating new fixed points in time for new experiences or anything I want to attach emotions/feeling to which I can refer back later, I stop, I breathe and slow down the moment, to see the pattern playing out, and realising this is only a program, through this understanding I realise that it is an emotion/feeling which creates polarity within self, and I should not give my power/energy to this emotion/feeling, through it is not real.

When and as I see myself creating a storage place within my mind from the experience or event that is taking place, I stop, I breath, and slow down the moment to see the pattern playing out, and realise this is only a program, and through this understanding I realise that by following this pattern will have a negative effect within me, and I should not give my power towards creating this place within me for future references, so I stop and breath.

When and as I see myself living out past emotions and feelings about a similar event I stop and breathe. I realize that my participation within this pattern will hinder me within the moment and give me a setback effect of disillusionment.

When and as I see myself finding myself being bored with what I do, I stop, and breathe. I realise that by finding what I do uninteresting or boring im busy referring back to the past, and projecting into the future, meaning I am not here, and in the now.

When and as I see myself creating and extraordinary event within my life, as the moment/event took place, I stop and breathe. I realise by doing this, I will create an illusionary world wherein I will be able to live, but with setbacks, known as disillusionment.

When and as I see myself referencing my past and future, I stop and breathe. I realise that by referencing my past and future with the present will never allow me to enjoy myself with what I am doing, and always have a judgmental mind, with back chat.

When and as I see myself giving power to the pattern where I reference my past and future, to the present, I stop and breathe. I realise that by giving away my power to the system will only make it stronger and this make it more complex for me to release myself from this pattern.

When and as I see myself living in separation with myself, and the reality of now, by being in the past, I stop and breathe. I realise that by being separated with myself and the reality creates an illusion where in I live, where I can never be in the moment, or be able to stand as one and equal.

 Commitments

I commit myself to release these fixed points through realising that I am the creator of these emotions/feeling and that I should not give my power to it, to be able to screw me over later in time.

I commit myself to release the pattern through breathing, and to realise it is only a program.

I commit myself to embrace the emotions and feelings, and to walk them through as one and equal, to experience it at full, to be able to let go, as one, as equal.

I commit myself to live in the moment of now, through breathing in everything I do, to be able to do it at my utmost potential.

I commit myself to live in oneness and equality to accept the reality as it is in this moment of time, in the present, to realise the past is long gone and that I live there no more, but only here and now.

The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle

I hereby commit myself to live the following principles

1. Realising and living my utmost potential

2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others

6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own

9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me

10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE

11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone

12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves

14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one

15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.

16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come

17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth

18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.

19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath

20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me

21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without

22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth