Monday 14 July 2014

Day 36 – Responsibility with stables, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to life in the moment of here, doing my stable in a way of just getting it finished (half heartedly), instead of doing it the way I should, all because of the fact that I am living in my mind in some other non-existing reality, instead of being here with my responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like cleaning this extra stable is a burden for me at this moment, to feel that I could have done something else within this time, letting my mind wonder of and following it to where ever, instead of breathing in the fresh horse poop air (... hehe) and be here enjoying life, to have the privilege to experience life with farm animals and the care taking of them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the cleaning of the stables is not my responsibility, but someone else’s and therefore I do not have to clean it up to the standard of what is expected, creating thoughts of resistance within this moment of believe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the idea of “I have better things to do with my time” when the responsibility is given to me, creating thoughts within my mind when at stables cleaning them, thoughts where I am busy doing other “enjoyable” things like playing computer games, or watching series.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the point of going to the stables, wishing I do not have to do it so early in the morning, especially when I have been given a second stable to clean.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist cleaning up the stables, not wanting to go there, through doing this creating a drag in the actual physical cleaning of the stable, instead of breathing and allowing myself to clean the stable, where as this will make me more effective in doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to shift the responsibility that has been given to me upon someone else for it is not my stable to clean, because of a point of self-interest, where as my time will be used and that I do not feel like giving it.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to be selfish with my time, not wanting to spend it on someone else, because I have a believe that I deserve this time for me, because there is a reward system still within my mind where every deed I do needs a reward given, meaning I am not living to my fullest potential, unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I need to be rewarded for everything I do, thus creating a resistance within me while doing the stable because it feels like I am not being rewarded but instead being punished.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that cleaning the stables is a punishment toward me for I have no actual horse to look after, for I have no connection to any of the horses, for I have no “fun” or “joy” with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed these thoughts to cross my mind and to accept them as a believe and through this acceptance I have created an inequality within me and towards the horses creating the experience of caring for them negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do the stable halfway and leave the hard work for the next person who are going to clean this stable, making it just more difficult for them.


I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stand within oneness and equality with the horses, and the care taking of the horses, for they are the ones spending 12 hours in that confined space, and so it has to be clean and most comfortable as possible and thus must not be influenced by me for my self-interest that plays out in the moment of the cleaning and care taking. 

Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

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