Day 30 – Into the Deep, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not feel the car, and enabling me to drive it with confidence, but blaming the 6 gears and clutch for my baddriving that I am practicing, where as I would generate a feeling of nervousness and then start making mistakes, not being here within the moment of now, and driving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make excuses for why my driving sucks in the new area, and why I am on my nerves instead of being self-honest, get to the point of the problem and deal with it, within the assistance of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a believe system within my mind, that I am a quit person, and through this believe limiting myself from exploring, going out in to the world and be myself and be confident within speech when I have to use it to get information from other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be limited by wanting an example of how something must be done, instead of going out there, doing it myself and explore the world with all it’s possibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not be directive within the moment, but instead waiting on my brother to speak up and make the choice for us, being afraid of what might happen if I go to a building to speak to someone and find out information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for wanting to have no responsibilities, and instead rely on my brother to take the responsibility that we share within that moment, among the three of us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid to take on my own challenges that is given to me, not taking the chance when the window of opportunity presents itself within the moment of discussion, an opportunity for me to explore myself for who I am in a situation where I am being thrown into the “Deep Side” of things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unable to create my goal of what has to be achieved within this day, directly after I have been given the information of my objective, creating the problem where I have no self-direction, or idea what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be clouded by the reaction of nervousness within my body, not being able to move forward with self-direction within the moment as the breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want to rely on my brother, as of the feeling of safety I get, having a small comfort zone bubble with me when he is around, knowing that he will have my back when I can’t control the situation with my speech when dealing with other people, instead of being here, in the moment with self-direction, knowing where I want to go, and what I need to do to get to the end point of this goal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want to look at my brother for an answer, or a solution to the problem, instead of being in the moment, slowing it down, through breathing and see the answer/solution to the problem/challenge and then speak up with what I have realised the solution or answer may be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give the lead of where things are headed in any situation to my brother, instead of standing up for myself, being here in this moment of physical reality and take the lead within walking in self-direction/realisation within each moment of breath to create the outcome of the situation in the way it is needed to be created - the most practical solution.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take on the challenge, the responsibility and the lead whenever the opportunity presents itself, whereas I may have the way to beat the challenge, to overcome it in the best practical way possible.