Day 95 - Sum 41, Part 3

When and as I see myself longing back to my past, and feel that a part of me is missing, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is an memory of the past and only attachments of the past and that these attachments will only hinder me from living in the present to my fullest utmost potential.

So I commit myself to let go of this memory of who I was in the past, and to allow myself to live within the moment of what is here, in the physical reality.

When and as I see myself feeling lost within myself, that there is no one in control of my life, not even me, then I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is a situation where I am not the directing principle within my life, and by not being the one directing myself, I will be lost and not knowing what to do.

So I commit myself to as and when I see this point arise, that I then breathe, to create stability within myself, to be focused on self, and then from that point on directing myself, to be the directing principle of my life.

When and as I see myself being trapped, and not as "free" as I used to be as a child, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am still free, I am not bound to anything, and to see that I am the one in control.

So i commit myself to accept my reality for what it is, and to stop lingering on the past and how things were, and in this instance of realisastion to allow myself to let go of the past and the attachments/ideas I have of it, so that I can live here, in the breathe.

When and as I see myself wanting to revert to my past self, and not accepting my present self, and encourage change from what is here, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this will only create conflict within myself of where I feel that I am not myself, and thus then trying to go back into the past.

So I commit and allow myself to let go of this idea of who I was in the past, and to let go of the person I was in the past, and to instead accept the person for who I am now, and from that point on, within taking self-responsibility change and adjust myself to be the utmost of what I can be.

When and as I see myself dwelling on these songs and the memories of what they bring to me, just to be able to get fix of emotions and attachments, i stop and I breathe, i realise that this will only bring me sadness, and desires of my past and feelings of wanting to go back.

So I commit and allow myself to let go of these attachments and emotions when and as I am listening to these songs, to be able to enjoy the music for what it is, and not for the "fix" of emotions and feelings.

When and as I see myself giving away my power to the emotions and feelings, to such an extend that it "controls" me, I stop and I breathe, I realise that power I give away to these things actually have an physical effect on my body, and its impacting me in a negative way, weakwning my posture.

Also, when and as i see myself giving away my power to these emotions and feeling, I am also letting it (myself) manipulate my environment, and possible others, to show them my "pain" so that they should be "easy" on me, or whatsoever.

So I commit and allow myself to realise that I am the one in control, and thus not giving my power away to these feelings and emotions of my past and how "perfect" it seemed to be, and to allow myself to breathe, to be here, and to be in the physical as life.

When and as I see myself creating comfort within the idea of having lots of money, i stop and I breathe, I realise that money should not be my main focus point of being free, but rather be a tool that can be used to give me freedom to move within place in this world.

So I commit myself to let go of the idea of having lots of money to feel free, and instead start living my life in a sense of where I practice what I preach, which is being free, from inner conflicts and fears.

When and as I see myself taking comfort in the idea of I can always just rely on my parents for support, I stop and I breathe, I realise that by living by this concept i will not only just disable myself from mopving forward, but I will also hinder myself into becoming the greatest, bestest person as I can be, a person that I ought to be, because of this Idea that my parents will always be there to take care and support me.

So i commit myself to let go of this idea, to realise and see that I have to move myself, direct myself and take responsibility for myself to be able to move forward and change the lives of not just everyone I get in contact with, but also my own, in a manner that is best for all.

So again, I commit myself to let go of my past memories of a comforting home, of parents caring, of money always being there for my survival, and start realising that I should be creating my own environment and space, with all of these comforts, but also in the same breathe, be free of it, with no attachments.

 I commit myself to be here, to be aware, to be in the physical reality, in my body, and as my body, within each and every breath I take.

Day 92 – Unsafe, Part 3

When and as I see myself feeling unsafe because of freedom of choice I have within my occupation I stop and I breathe. I realise that this feeling of being unsafe is just because I am not directing self, and taking on the responsibility,

When and as I see myself feeling overwhelmed due to freedom of choice, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am just displaced within myself, and that I need to re-align my direction and responsibility and thus I commit and allow myself within the moment of the feeling to inhale, make the decision within myself to move myself forward with self-direction and responsibility.

When and as I see myself going into self-doubt and due to the doubt that I will not be moving forward within myself and my occupation, so I stop and I breathe, to see and assess the situation and to allow myself to not doubt but instead go ahead, and make my choice, and even if they are wrong or not the best, this is how I will learn, and gain experience.

When and as I see myself having triggered and activate the point for a train of thoughts to run through my mind by thinking that I am unsafe, I stop and I breathe, I concentrate on my body, fingers and toes, to get my focus off of the thoughts, and get my sense of direction in order. Thus commit myself to focus on the physical, at what is here, in the word that I can see in front of me, and what I need to do next.

When and as I see myself feeling that I will be safe within the system as having a job, working under a boss, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is just an illusion and that it is actually not as safe as I make myself believe it to be. Thus I commit myself to let go of this believe within myself by realising that I am in control of my reality and what I do within it, thus realising that I am here, in the physical moving myself and my word accordingly to what I need to achieve.

When and as I see myself following within the footsteps of acting and living as if I am a person that is just employed and not realising that I am actually running a business, I stop and I breathe, to realise that I am limiting myself in the aspect of standing firm within my word and my deed, not allowing myself to go out into the business world and speak my word with meaning. I commit and allow myself to take in this responsibility as self, and direct myself within each and every moment that I am walking within my shoes to give it my all, and to live my words that I speak – to be able to reach my true potential within what I am capable of in this point in time.

When and as I see myself feeling or believing that I am incompetent because I have struggles with communicating with ease, I stop and I breathe, I realise that this is a point that will hinder me further in life, and if I do not start using the tools that is being proved to improve myself with, I will keep on having this pattern of feeling incompetent, doubt and fear within myself when speaking to others – again hindering my business and myself from reaching my potentials. I commit and allow myself to when and as I speak, meaning communicating, with other people that the words I use is mine, that I am certain of them, that I understand my own words, and that I speak it off my chest, from within – to feel the flow within body, my chest, to my first instance of opening my mouth as the word is leaving my mouth onto the person I am in contact with, to be sure that I am directing myself, my words, my world – thus self-directing within communicating.

When and as I see myself wanting to be untruthful towards myself, and wanting to settle for less, I stop and I realise that this is not what is best for all, by limiting my myself I am limiting the world, for I have something to offer – as do all – as so I have to play my role, so I commit and allow myself to eradicate this pattern of thoughts by stabilising my body in the physical, first with a breath inhaling-exhaling and be here, to then focus on my reality and my body – finger tips and toes – and from that moment on, implement self-direction and responsibility.

Day 53 – Comfortability, Part 3

When and as I see myself being uncomfortable with who or what I am in any situation, I stop and I breathe, I realise that this uncomfortably is just an idea in my head about what other humans might think of me, and that this idea should not define me for who I am or for how I experience the moment, enabling myself to express myself to enjoy the moment in comfortability.

When I see myself as being uncomfortable with any human, if I know them since today, or since the day that I can remember, I stop and I breathe, I realise that by being uncomfortable with myself and the people around me will only take my joy and experience within life away, and hinder me in the process of living out my utmost potential.

When and as I see myself creating the idea within my head that I make other people uncomfortable, I stop and I breathe, I realise that if I am going to channel my energy into this thought that it will only hinder me in this present moment.

When and as I see myself feeling awkward around other people, I stop and I breathe, I realise that this is just thoughts within my mind that generates this feeling and that it is not real, and therefore I can be who I am without feeling awkward or uncomfortable.

When and as I see myself following a pattern of thoughts about physical contact, i stop and I breathe, I realise this is a pattern and that my thoughts are looping within this pattern, and by realising this I can let go of this patter and release myself from thinking about the past moment that is long gone, and allow myself to be here within the present.

When and as I see myself projecting the moment taking place in the present, to see what it might be in the future, I stop and I breathe, I realise by doing this I am not being here with the moment, but instead in the future playing out another reality which does not even exists, and by realising this I can stop myself from continuing on this path, and instead be in the moment of here within the physical reality, expressing myself.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself feeling stiff, or that I am not comfortable within my own body, and that I can't move around as I wish to, I stop and I breathe, I realise by feeling this way is just me not accepting myself and my body for who and what I am, and therefore create a disconnection between myself and my body, (which is one and the same, as I am a body and not just inside of a body or placed in a body that is not mine) and therefore need to breathe and assist myself to bring myself back to reality to realise that my body is me, and that I am my body.

I commit and allow myself to be comfortable in any given situation, to be myself and to be true by being in the moment of here, the present within each and every breath.

I commit and allow myself to accept psychical contact from another person, to feel comfortable and relaxed when such a situation arise and not to project the outcome of the situation.

Day 52 – Comfortability, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in uncomfortably throughout my whole life, not taking in the moment as it presents itself and just be HERE, enjoying the moment as it exists in the physical reality which I can see with me eyes, hear with my ears, and experience with my whole being.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted myself and not allowed myself through not accepting myself to be able to be comfortable with myself, and the humans around me, with which I live with each and every day, or even those that I have known for my whole life.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am making other people uncomfortable with my presence, that I have to sit still, say nothing, do nothing and just be there because maybe, just maybe I am disturbing someone, meaning I am only doing this to please everyone without even knowing what or how these people are feeling or experiencing the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be judge mental about this situation of who is comfortable with me being around, or not, judging people by their looks which in reality is not closely to what they are experiencing within themselves, and therefore I am being a "introvert".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself and my self-expression for who I am because of the uncomfortably I experience with myself and/or other people around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that people will judge me if I say something, or being scared that I will say something stupid or senseless and therefore feel uncomfortable when I am speaking (awkwardness basically).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into a pattern directly after someone has touched my shoulder, or my back when speaking to me, where I would think of the situation for the rest of the day, basically get stuck in that moment, instead of moving with each and every new moment that presents itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel awkward when I have any type of physical interaction with another human being, not being able to be comfortable with it, or with myself, and always feel like I have to retreat from the moment and get my distance from this human being - not able to express myself because of these thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the other human being I am having physical contact with feels the same way as I do (wants to retreat, or keep the distance because we are having physical contact and this needs to be done for some odd reason?) and because of this thought I am retreating, or generating the distance between us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable having physical contact with another human being, and therefore feel like the moment will become awkward between me and this human if it continues for too long.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a stick man within my own skin (stiff) and that I am not able to move around as comfortable as I want to, and therefore I am not really moving in the physical reality of the moment, being still and static.

I frogive myself for I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to be here in the moment as the physical, to need another human being to bring me to the moment of now through the words and actions they are speaking over me, to accept and allow myself to be here within the breathe.

Day 51 – Comfortability

How comfortable am I with myself and other people around me? Comfortability will be the subject to be explored today within myself, and the people around me.

My whole life I have never really been comfortable with anybody, except my family and a few friends, but still only up until a certain point.

So, by not being comfortable within my
self, and with myself for as long as I can remember, I have never really been comfortable with any other person. Basically limiting myself and my self-expression. Because of this I am not used to people that are comfortable with themselves, meaning when they talk to me, or having physical contact with me when  they are talking to me, for instance touching my shoulder to make me aware that they are here speaking to me personally, or for when they rest their hand on my back while I'm sitting and they stand behind me - as examples - and because of this, whenever a situation similar to what I have described arises, I'd then think about it for hours afterwards.

So in my mind the process of a pattern will be triggered, and for the rest of the day this pattern of thoughts will play out in my head where I would tell myself: "This person touched my shoulder while speaking to me, what a strange experience this was but, within this strangeness I liked it, it was comforting even when we were only talking in a relaxed state about a relaxed subject, and I like it because you know then that that person is HERE, within the moment". As these thoughts would go around in circles in my mind, i'd start to realise that I am just not used to any sort of physical contact, and being comfortable with myself and any other human being at the same time, and what if this is the whole reason why I can't express myself - for I am not comfortable with these actions taking place within myself and the people around me?

I have never really reached out to a person in this manner, nor has it crossed my mind. When it did, I did not proceed with the action because I am under the impression that people don't like it, but what if they do, what if they just want to know that you are HERE in the physical with them just by touching the shoulder? I will never know. Just to be clear this is not to just touch random strangers on the shoulder when speaking to them, lol. Its for people that I deal with a lot in my life, where I need to get myself to a point for when I am contacted physically like a touch to the shoulder or a pat on the back, that I don't find it to be weird (and vice versa), but as normal people caring and looking after each other, assisting each other to be here in the physical reality of the moment.