Day 57 – Speaking Up

So, this week that had just passed I have realised that I am not playing a game anymore while working. This means that I am not nervous anymore when I have to speak to another person while on the job. I have realised that shit just got real and that I need to act like it, instead of been a clumsy guy trying to communicate with a total stranger.

Meaning, I was anxious every damn time I had to open my mouth and speak to a person, which showed where that person could see it, and it created an effect where they could see that this guy is "weak" in terms of communicating with someone else. This had an impact on me and my information I had to give over to the other person. This had resulted in a situation where they would not take me serious, where they probably thought that I am a phony or something of the sort.

This has now turned around, when I do speak up, I am able to present my information that I have, doing so clearly and effectively. This has been a game changer for me since I have realise this point, to realise that I am speaking in confidence, that only now am I able to take myself seriously of what I am doing, and by realising this and walking within my words has it only had good results for me. 

Day 53 – Comfortability, Part 3

When and as I see myself being uncomfortable with who or what I am in any situation, I stop and I breathe, I realise that this uncomfortably is just an idea in my head about what other humans might think of me, and that this idea should not define me for who I am or for how I experience the moment, enabling myself to express myself to enjoy the moment in comfortability.

When I see myself as being uncomfortable with any human, if I know them since today, or since the day that I can remember, I stop and I breathe, I realise that by being uncomfortable with myself and the people around me will only take my joy and experience within life away, and hinder me in the process of living out my utmost potential.

When and as I see myself creating the idea within my head that I make other people uncomfortable, I stop and I breathe, I realise that if I am going to channel my energy into this thought that it will only hinder me in this present moment.

When and as I see myself feeling awkward around other people, I stop and I breathe, I realise that this is just thoughts within my mind that generates this feeling and that it is not real, and therefore I can be who I am without feeling awkward or uncomfortable.

When and as I see myself following a pattern of thoughts about physical contact, i stop and I breathe, I realise this is a pattern and that my thoughts are looping within this pattern, and by realising this I can let go of this patter and release myself from thinking about the past moment that is long gone, and allow myself to be here within the present.

When and as I see myself projecting the moment taking place in the present, to see what it might be in the future, I stop and I breathe, I realise by doing this I am not being here with the moment, but instead in the future playing out another reality which does not even exists, and by realising this I can stop myself from continuing on this path, and instead be in the moment of here within the physical reality, expressing myself.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself feeling stiff, or that I am not comfortable within my own body, and that I can't move around as I wish to, I stop and I breathe, I realise by feeling this way is just me not accepting myself and my body for who and what I am, and therefore create a disconnection between myself and my body, (which is one and the same, as I am a body and not just inside of a body or placed in a body that is not mine) and therefore need to breathe and assist myself to bring myself back to reality to realise that my body is me, and that I am my body.

I commit and allow myself to be comfortable in any given situation, to be myself and to be true by being in the moment of here, the present within each and every breath.

I commit and allow myself to accept psychical contact from another person, to feel comfortable and relaxed when such a situation arise and not to project the outcome of the situation.

Day 51 – Comfortability

How comfortable am I with myself and other people around me? Comfortability will be the subject to be explored today within myself, and the people around me.

My whole life I have never really been comfortable with anybody, except my family and a few friends, but still only up until a certain point.

So, by not being comfortable within my
self, and with myself for as long as I can remember, I have never really been comfortable with any other person. Basically limiting myself and my self-expression. Because of this I am not used to people that are comfortable with themselves, meaning when they talk to me, or having physical contact with me when  they are talking to me, for instance touching my shoulder to make me aware that they are here speaking to me personally, or for when they rest their hand on my back while I'm sitting and they stand behind me - as examples - and because of this, whenever a situation similar to what I have described arises, I'd then think about it for hours afterwards.

So in my mind the process of a pattern will be triggered, and for the rest of the day this pattern of thoughts will play out in my head where I would tell myself: "This person touched my shoulder while speaking to me, what a strange experience this was but, within this strangeness I liked it, it was comforting even when we were only talking in a relaxed state about a relaxed subject, and I like it because you know then that that person is HERE, within the moment". As these thoughts would go around in circles in my mind, i'd start to realise that I am just not used to any sort of physical contact, and being comfortable with myself and any other human being at the same time, and what if this is the whole reason why I can't express myself - for I am not comfortable with these actions taking place within myself and the people around me?

I have never really reached out to a person in this manner, nor has it crossed my mind. When it did, I did not proceed with the action because I am under the impression that people don't like it, but what if they do, what if they just want to know that you are HERE in the physical with them just by touching the shoulder? I will never know. Just to be clear this is not to just touch random strangers on the shoulder when speaking to them, lol. Its for people that I deal with a lot in my life, where I need to get myself to a point for when I am contacted physically like a touch to the shoulder or a pat on the back, that I don't find it to be weird (and vice versa), but as normal people caring and looking after each other, assisting each other to be here in the physical reality of the moment.