Day 53 – Comfortability, Part 3

When and as I see myself being uncomfortable with who or what I am in any situation, I stop and I breathe, I realise that this uncomfortably is just an idea in my head about what other humans might think of me, and that this idea should not define me for who I am or for how I experience the moment, enabling myself to express myself to enjoy the moment in comfortability.

When I see myself as being uncomfortable with any human, if I know them since today, or since the day that I can remember, I stop and I breathe, I realise that by being uncomfortable with myself and the people around me will only take my joy and experience within life away, and hinder me in the process of living out my utmost potential.

When and as I see myself creating the idea within my head that I make other people uncomfortable, I stop and I breathe, I realise that if I am going to channel my energy into this thought that it will only hinder me in this present moment.

When and as I see myself feeling awkward around other people, I stop and I breathe, I realise that this is just thoughts within my mind that generates this feeling and that it is not real, and therefore I can be who I am without feeling awkward or uncomfortable.

When and as I see myself following a pattern of thoughts about physical contact, i stop and I breathe, I realise this is a pattern and that my thoughts are looping within this pattern, and by realising this I can let go of this patter and release myself from thinking about the past moment that is long gone, and allow myself to be here within the present.

When and as I see myself projecting the moment taking place in the present, to see what it might be in the future, I stop and I breathe, I realise by doing this I am not being here with the moment, but instead in the future playing out another reality which does not even exists, and by realising this I can stop myself from continuing on this path, and instead be in the moment of here within the physical reality, expressing myself.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself feeling stiff, or that I am not comfortable within my own body, and that I can't move around as I wish to, I stop and I breathe, I realise by feeling this way is just me not accepting myself and my body for who and what I am, and therefore create a disconnection between myself and my body, (which is one and the same, as I am a body and not just inside of a body or placed in a body that is not mine) and therefore need to breathe and assist myself to bring myself back to reality to realise that my body is me, and that I am my body.

I commit and allow myself to be comfortable in any given situation, to be myself and to be true by being in the moment of here, the present within each and every breath.

I commit and allow myself to accept psychical contact from another person, to feel comfortable and relaxed when such a situation arise and not to project the outcome of the situation.

Day 47 – Dealing with Fear

What is it to fear? This word is so unfamiliar, but familiar. I have experience in an intense level at some point of my life, I was about 9 or 10 years old when this experience has come over me, to control me, and take me over to a point where I could not control myself. I remember that there was some kind of flue or virus in circulation around the world and that many people had died from this virus, and I feared that it would be me, or my family, fearing that I might lose everyone I love or die myself.

In this time of my life, I was a little boy, and the only way I could deal with this was by... crying, because of this raw sickening feeling in my stomach and all the thoughts running through my head of what’s going to happen if they die, or are no more, or when they are sick, and then I had to keep this inside of me while at school, which was the worst. I remember that every day in that time period, I was wondering in every moment if my parents would pitch up after school to pick me up, if they’d still be alive. When they did arrive, I would start to burst out in tears of fear, because it had to come out somehow, and even when I was with them, this fear controlled me to believe that they would die sometime soon, this kept on going for weeks.

But after this whole experience and knowing what it is to experience fear, I could identify it every time this feeling would show itself. As today it did.

The last 2 days has been slow with my work, and I was mostly on the farm, trapped in this whole bubble of I need rest to be able to work effectively, but as this kept up obviously  my business was slowing down, and nothing moving there really, until today, when I realised that I can’t just sit here expecting that life will happen by itself, and then this sickening feeling struck me again, but this time not because of a virus in the air (Yes, I am aware of the Ebola Virus Outbreak in Africa) but, the future, my future and what I am going to do with this future I have in my hands. How I am the responsible one to move myself within each moment of breathe, as here. To be able to move forward and make a change within the lives of others, as this is my goal, to build a better tomorrow, and through doing this, I have to work with me, make the change inside of myself to be able to move in the direction I want to go.

With this fear that I had just now, I was starting to ask myself questions, which the fear brought up, where as they consist of my decisions that I have made, if I made the correct ones, and if I should have stayed where I were before coming to the farm.  This again was then countered by me, where I made a statement, convincing myself that i have made the correct choice... but in essence I have only started a small war within my head, 2 sides battling against each other to determine which choice was the correct choice..

And that is why I am writing here, Self-correction, self-responsibility, self-direction and self-improvement, to be able to improve the world that I am living in, for all.

Next post will be SF.

Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 43 – Poverty is Real, Part 3

When and as I see myself caring only about myself and not taking in account the lives of others, I stop and I breathe. I realise by not taking into account other people and their lives are a point of self-interest a point where I only care about myself and what happens to me, and not them aswell, basically not standing as one and equal, nor standing for all life but only myself.

When and as I see myself forming an idea of people that I have not yet even met before, I stop and breathe, I realise that these thoughts of the people that I have and that I am creating about them are presumptions and this is not for who they really are, but instead that is how I treat these people then.

When and as I see myself as better or superior toward a person with no money/status, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am this person’s equal, and so are they my equal, an none of us are superior/better than the other - for us all are one and equal.

When and as I see myself living in separation with other people just because they are poor, dangerous or have no education, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am part of the people of this world, and so am I not separated by this, for us must move as one body together, because a body with only 50% working will not be effective/productive.

When and as I see myself dealing with poor people, and feel that I do not belong here helping them, I stop and I breathe, I realise by reacting up on this feeling will bring us no good, and that I am not being self-directive, but instead being directed with feelings/emotions.

When and as I see myself wishing that I am not there with the people, but behind a screen where I have no problems, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am giving my energy away on an useless activity: hiding. By giving my energy away to this activity shows that I am not willing to face reality for what it is, and thus trying to escape, instead of standing up for myself, for life, and for all, to help and contribute my part in life, unconditionally.

When and as I see myself fearing that I might end up as poor as these people I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is a fear of the future, and this fear is created by me, for the future, meaning it is actually not real and that I am fearing life.

When and as I see myself clashing/colliding with my imagination/mind about what I am seeing in front of me with my physical eyes, I stop and I breathe, through this breath I realise that what I am seeing is real, and there is no need to deny this because what my eyes observe is fact, is reality, and there is no escape to it.

I commit and allow myself to face reality for what it is, and not try and to avoid it by hiding behind a computer, or in my comfort zone where I do not have to experience it.

I commit and allow myself to stand as one and as equal with each and every human being I encounter within each moment, no matter the age, sex, "race" or status they have.

I commit and allow myself to stand for live, to be here in every moment, to live life to my fullest potential, and to do what is best for all life, unconditionally.

 Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 41 – Poverty is Real

My whole life I have been living in middle to upper class areas, from pre-school up to high school and college, I have worked in an upper class area known as Rivonia, Sandton, probably the richest part of South-Africa. I have never really seen poverty, maybe a small town or two outside of where I lived, with poor people living in shacks struggling, but it did not really bother me. It felt kind of normal, because everybody can’t be rich, who’s going to be the person cleaning my house, standing at till points swiping my items through the scanner when I buy it, or fuel up my car at a petrol station, right? They have to live somewhere, and in my mind, that was their area, seem normal for me.

I never in my live had the chance to go into one of these areas, always been told that it is dangerous, and we should not try to enter it, they will steel everything from you, and maybe kidnap you, or murder you etc. So here was this idea within my mind about these people, the people living in poverty, the people we allow inside our homes to clean it, or to take care of our gardens. The people who struggle to survive. The people I don’t want to help because of this idea.

So, the idea of helping them never came up in my mind, and so it did not really bother me. It’s not me who’s trapped in that situation/poverty, I was not the one to be born into that world, I am here and this is my life which I have to make a success of, as should they with their lives... as a gardener, sure.

Until about 2-3 months ago, when I arrived in PMB, away from Gauteng which is known as the heart of our economy/country, where here in PMB all you can see is poverty, almost all that you see are shacks and little houses filled with massive families, struggling to survive, which still didn’t bother me as much because I thought of it as the same concept, until about 2 days ago, when I started to explore more in depth of what is going on, and see how they really lived.

This was not planned, it just kind of happened with my new business partners, we had to infiltrate new schools to sell our software to, and the more we explored into this territory, the more I realised that it had no end. These neighbourhoods are unbelievably big, the amounts of people are uncountable, schools are stacked with learners, and buildings are falling and breaking apart. The toilets in these schools look like shit, no other words to explain, and for a school of about 400 kids, there is only one male and one female bathroom, to be shared among them all.

These people live in real poverty; they go to school for free, where the school has to provide the kids with lunch because the parents can’t afford to give them food/money. Some of these schools can’t even provide this lunch, meaning about 400 kids or more starve every day just to attend school, and this is only in one school (a small schools). There are about 4-6 school in this area alone, 3 would be in the same area in this neighbourhood next to each other, whereas another 3 schools will be a kilometer or 2 away, all with 400-800 kids in, probably starving, with my partner at the end of the day telling me how far they have to walk each afternoon, some go as far as 15km, because they can’t afford a taxi ride of just R6.

As the days progressed with me experiencing the poverty, driving through these areas that I was told never to enter, I realised one thing, my whole life I have been living a luxurious life, never have to worry about where I am going to find food or water, or a place to sleep, or thinking will I be safe tonight? I don’t know what that is, I have never experienced it and so I realised that this way of thinking I have, is not acceptable.

The reaction within my mind was kind of weird, it was like an image within my mind that clashed with reality as I saw it, telling me this is not real, this should not be real, wtf are we doing to our fellow human beings? No one deserves to live a life like this where they can barely survive.  

Change is needed.

 Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 40 – Ego and rejection, Part 3

When and as I see myself taking a situation personally which will result in a clouded mind, not being able to see the actually point/problem, I stop and I breathe. I realise that by taking this situation personally will only take away my ability to see the point/problem clearly and thus resulting in me getting angry or off the point and not solving the problem effectively.

When and as I see myself allowing myself to feel rejected by someone or some concept, I stop and I breathe. I realise that by allowing this rejection will only create anger, frustration and loneliness within me, where I separate myself from the physical world around me to avoid these experiences any further.

When and as I see myself wanting to share knowledge to help a person, but with and alternative goal, I stop and I breathe, I realise by doing this I am only feeding my ego with the energy that it desires, and in return opens up a possibility of getting “hurt” when one may get rejected in the act of sharing the knowledge.

When and as I see myself feeling offended by the rejection, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am only offended because of the alternative motive/goal that I had in place, and by seeing this, it clouds my judgement and my ability to see the situation for what it really is.

When and as I see myself experiencing anger and while in its process I allow it to such a point where I can easily lose control of it, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am the creator of this anger, and that I should not give my power to this anger and allow it to grow so far, for I am the creator of it and so should I be in control of it.

When and as I see myself clouding my mind with these thoughts and ideas for the ego and its advantage, I stop and I breathe. I realise that by doing this, I am only busy wasting away my energy and not being here within the physical reality, as for what the moment is, but somewhere lost in the midst of my mind.

When and as I see myself generating excuses to get myself out of situations, I stop and I breathe, I realise by not dealing with the situation now is being dishonest with self, and a way of escaping reality and the moment of here, postponing my chance to deal with the problem now, onto a later stage.

I commit and allow myself to be directive within a moment of anger, to direct self towards a point where I no longer feed my feelings with energy, to be clouded by them, and by this creating an illusion for what the physical reality really is, not seeing clearly basically.

I commit and allow myself to deal with a situation, rather than to create excuses to get out of it, and assisting self through this process by breathing, being here, and to be self-directive within each and every moment that presents itself.

 Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 39 – Ego and Rejection, Part 2

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to take a situation personally, when it was purely meant for a moment of only helping someone out, and not suppose to be a moment for ego boosting, and by taking this situation personal allowing myself to get angry for what has happened.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel rejected within this situation and by feeling rejected creating a negative reaction where I get angry at the person for what has happened, allowing them to get to me and make me feel that my ego is being “hurt”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pass on information with an alternative goal of only gaining an ego boost, where my ego can feel proud of the knowledge it has within and are able to pass on, instead of doing it out of pure innocence, to help the person understanding the program better, and to be more effective through my knowledge I have to give.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be offended by the rejection of my knowledge because of the believe I have, where I believe that one should listen to me when speaking about the program just because of my 2 years experience that I have with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry, and to take it to such a point where it almost feels like my blood is boiling, instead of assisting myself within the breathe to be able to stand within myself, as here and as self direction and responsibility, because through getting angry and seeing red won’t solve the issue where the other party don’t have the time at the specific moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a clouded mind because of my ego and not being able to identify the situation for what it is, and by not being able to identify it, I just jumped in with no concern of the other persons situation, basically just reacting upon my own self-interest and what I think is best for the person and their knowledge at the present time, instead of thinking what is best for all within this situation and the most effective solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react upon this self-interest, to use this knowledge as a way to get attention to give myself a little boost with the ego, and being rejected upon this, to become angry.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to use hunger as an excuse for my anger, and to get out of this situation with no conflict, dodging a point of self-honesty/responsibility that I have to face, resolving the issue here in this moment instead of postponing it to a later stage in time.

 Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 35 – Responsibility with stables

I was given the responsibility today to do a second stable, and while doing this I realised that I did it half heartedly. This stable is someone else’s responsibility and I am just filling in on their behalf, not realising that all of the stables here are everyone’s responsibility equally, we just divided the work in sections so that one person does not have to do all of the work.

So while cleaning up the horse’s stable this morning I had a lot of thoughts about what I am doing, and why I am doing it, and how I resisted doing it, without realising this simple concept of why I am actually doing it in the first place.

I rushed myself to get done because, hey it’s not my stable, not my responsibility, I am just filling in for someone, so why should I clean it as if it is my stable, taking care of the business as I would when doing my own stable? They will clean it up nice and tidy when they have to do it again tomorrow. This was my attitude this morning, until this afternoon when I realised that I should not be thinking and acting this way, it’s a fucked up perspective to have, this is a horse’s sleeping place for the night and I am busy messing this up for him because of my self-interest, and not wanting to take the responsibility and time to help someone else and the horse out.

So I realised this, and had to take action on my way of seeing and doing this extra responsibility, through breathing and directing myself, whilst being in the moment of here. Directing self to do this as if it is my own, my sole responsibility even thou it is not, this is in correlation with the principle of: give as you would like to receive. Meaning if someone else had to do my stable (Basically giving me their labour), I would want them to do it as if it were their own, not leaving a mess for me to clean, and so I have to do this stable the way I would like to receive it, simple as that.

So, this means I have to change my way, stand as one and as equal within this responsibility I resist, and then from this point forward I can change it through self-forgiveness and self-application – will be done in next post.

Day 32 – Limitations Through Tiredness

I have realised yesterday after a very long day out with work, that I am limiting myself in such a clever but, stupid way. I limit myself through recording my hours that I am not home, doing what I want to do.

Let’s say I go out 8 of the clock in the morning, and come back home again at 8 of the clock, then I have recorded myself to be out for 12 hours, and then I tell myself that I am tired now, I want to rest now, not do anything but rest. Meaning watching series, browsing the web or just play a simple game, not even a real game like an RPG, or FPS, because I am tired, and need to rest myself, whereas I think these games will take too much energy, really Julian?

So this limitation goes on with not only games, it was only an example, but also with everything else I do. I tell myself that I am too tired to work on my Wed Development Project that I have, postponing it to the next day thinking that I will have the energy then, whereas this pattern will just repeat and I will be tired again.

The best part is, I am actually not even tired, I just tell myself this so I will look tired (and then get tired because of this thought) so that other people can see I am tired, and then they realise I am tired where they can say to themselves... “Hey, Julian had a long day of work because look at him he’s tired, so we can excuse him for not doing whatever responsibility he has.” In this instance, my responsibilities are to continue with my Web Development Project and my writings (blog) as I am doing right now.

This thought of tiredness that I send out, limits me, no one else, I’m just busy fooling myself, not even the people around me because they know the principles, they know the limitations and patterns that play out, and know that I have to work on this, push through this and do my part, as an example of living life to the fullest of my potential, as one and as equal.

To basically stop this limitation, to stop thinking that I am tired, to stop procrastination and postponement of my responsibilities, to stand as one and as equal with these creations, systems, patterns and limitations that I have created, and from that point on, change where needs to be changed, to become and effective human being, delivering my utmost potential as life.

Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 25 – One Day Off, Part 3

When and as I see myself wishing for a day off at work/home, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is only a pattern playing out, and by following this pattern I hinder the experience of now, meaning instead of doing what I wishes to do on my day off, I sit and wish, instead of actually doing it (whatever I need/want to do) through self-direction and expression.

When and as I see myself wanting to praise myself for the hard work that I have done, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is just self-interest and points of justifications to have time for myself, which will be wasted in instead of being productive in this time at home (or at work).

When and as I see myself being tired and telling myself I am tired the whole time, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is a pattern of limitation with tiredness that only slows me down in my work that is being done, making me unproductive especially when at work.

When and as I see myself procrastinating through not doing as I intend, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is just laziness that is preventing me from going out in the world to explore and create new challenges for myself.

When and as I see myself believing the justifications that I have created for why I should get a day off, I stop and I breathe. I realise these justifications are lies, as of it is just giving me false reason to why I need the day off and making the situation ok for when I do get this day of laziness off from work.

When and as I see myself believing my own justifications/lies and through doing so abusing myself, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this self-abuse is damaging to me, preventing me from living in the moment as here and as now, and limiting my living experience as it is through laziness.

When and as I see myself having the desire to be lazy and not do anything at all, I stop and I breathe. I realise this desire for laziness is hindering me, and not allowing myself to move forward, but instead to stagnate.

I commit and allow myself to let go of the idea that I need the day off from work, as this creates justification on why I need it, and to make it ok for me to think that I need this day of, creating a loop within my mind.

I commit and allow myself to realise that in the moment of thought where I think I am tired, that I stop and breathe, to realise that I am here within this moment and that I am not tired, it is just the mind that is in need of shut down for rest, basically bringing myself back to the moment of here as the physical reality out of the mind where one gets tired.

I commit and allowed myself to live each moment in the breath, to be aware of my physical body, and every part of it, to feel the life within, and to realise I am HERE, not in my past, nor in my future.

Day 24 – One Day Off, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish for a day off at work, creating a loop within my mind, where as it will be activated when I am not busy, and also not in the moment of now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to praise myself by taking a day of, because I have worked too much in the past week, creating further effects such as justification/lies that I am telling myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am tired the whole time and need some rest, even thou I have not really done anything physically, just been sitting the whole day working/playing on the computer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate life, through not doing as I direct myself to do, basically not using self-direction, where as I get stuck in front of a computer, instead of exploring my world/environment around me.

I forgive myself for that I have accepted and allowed myself to create justification in the concept of getting a day off, and then believe in these justification, fooling me by lying and abusing myself within this process of believes that I have created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be abused by myself, in the sense of believing the lies I tell myself, in the form of justifications.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the lies I tell myself, and by believing the lies, limiting myself because I know that I will not do these thing that I am telling myself that I am going to do, that is why it is a lie when it is being told.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be lazy, to sit at home and do nothing, to let the laziness take control of me never allowing me to move forward with self-direction within the moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take on the challenge, the self-responsibility and self-direction upon the point of laziness, to be able to get up and out of my chair and to move to where I want and need to be, expressing myself within whatever I want to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the pattern of laziness get to me, to take me out of the moment of now, projecting me into the future where I have the day off, while having the day off, and to see and wish for things to do, or telling myself I will and need to do it and going to do it, where as it never gets done, creating believable lies within me, where as I would abuse myself with over and over.

Day 22 – Uncertainty, Part 3

When and as I see myself separating myself from the words that I am about to speak, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am the creator of these words that I am about to use, and should stand as one and as equal with them, as of it is mine to be expressed through me within the moment and the physical reality of now.

When and as I see myself fearing the words that I have created, I stop and I breath, I realise this fear has power over me, only if I give it the power needed to be in control of me, and with this realisation I assist myself through breathing, and being here in the physical to move through this point, and to see there is no need for fear, for my own words that I create.

When and as I see myself not standing as one and equal with my words, creating uncertainty, I stop and a I breathe, I realise these words are mine to use, as I am the creator of these words, and so do not have to be uncertain of it, while seeing that it is mine, so should I stand within them, as I express it.

When and as I see myself doubting my own words through known facts/personal experiences I stop and I breathe. I realise these events/information lies within my body, as mine and that I have no reason to doubt it, for it is mine, integrated within my physical body.

When and as I see myself creating scenarios in my mind before and event, i stop and I breathe, I realise this is a pattern playing out, and through this realisation I breathe and bring myself back to the moment of here, where as if I would continue I would create unnecessary stress for myself and the words I am about to use.

When and as I see myself just rambling of with my words, and not being self-directive with what I want to say, I stop and I breathe,  or rather slow down in this situation, and realise that I am not making sense, or speaking in confusion.

I commit and allow myself to be directive with my words that I want to use while speaking, saying what I need to say, and being certain within my words as I speak them.

I commit and allow myself to enjoy my conversations I have with other people, not to rush it off and get it over and done with.

I commit myself to express myself within the moment of conversation, saying what I want to say, and be creative, but sure to get the message across.

I commit myself to breathe in, before speaking, and as soon as I start to breathe out, to speak my words loud and clear in the correct order without being in a hurry to get it over and done with.

I commit myself to be here, in the present moment of the physical reality that I experience.

Day 18 – Music & Ego, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a reality within my own mind, as a memory through listening to music, for the sake of self-interest, and my ego, where this ego gets everything that it wants enjoying every moment of it, until it brings me back to reality, to set me off in sadness, depression, longing for such a life, wanting my childhood back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within this memory that I am the best, the coolest and most intellectual being of all, creating a barrier between me and my fellow  equal human beings, dividing us in separation and not standing as one and equal with them within this memory, where as my ego is the one “standing out” above all with these ideas/concepts of self within this memory I have created within this song.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that this is just a made up memory where I feed my ego with power over me, allowing it to control me within the moment as I am listening to the song “Man Overboard”.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to accept the fact that life has moved on, that I have responsibility now, that I have responsible for myself and no one else is responsible for me, and whatever I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire the girl of my dreams, while I know that this girl does not exist, because it is a made up mind construct of believe, where one believe that there is this girl out there specially made just for you, instead of realising that all is one and equal, none is better than the other, or special in some kind of way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am special within this memory that I have made up when listening to this song, to think that there is something about me, that I have and others does not have creating separation within me and the physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel trapped when I experience disillusionment when the memory is done playing within my mind, when thinking of where I am free, and not bound by the systems and patterns of the mind, and through experiencing this, feel depressed, sad and trapped within self, and the world around me, not able to move within the moment of breath in the physical reality.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to worry/fear what other might think of me, that there words and thought have an influence on me and the way I react and do things within this world, That I accept and allow their words and thoughts to shape me into the person I think I am today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself by the words and thoughts of others, abusing myself through living in a lie, where I believe I am who I am because of what others tell me to be, through me accepting these words, instead of standing as self, in the moment of breath as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lonely/sad when listening to this song because of the fact that none of these memories are true, and through this, actually enjoying the sadness, because somehow somewhere I might get attention out of it, even if I am hiding it for everyone I know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by the negative emotions/attachments toward this memory I have created within my mind by listening to this song.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my ego play games with me, controlling my emotions and in the end controlling me, deciding for me what to feel when, and for how long.

Day 9 – Procrastination, Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand in separation with procrastination, not allowing myself to stand within procrastination as self, as breathe, as one and equal with procrastination as it still exists within me, to be able to move forward and as self- direction for from this point on to be able to create change within myself as one and equal within the moment of each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate my writing for self, by limiting myself through the thought that there is not enough time to do so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play this pattern over and over, even thou I am conscious of it, and enjoying it by thinking stuff will get done, but in reality doesn’t get done, or if it’s been rushed off.

I forgive myself for that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this pattern control me, slow me down, and limiting my possibilities which will be able to be achievable through standing as one and equal with all and within myself and the breath of the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by keeping up with time, instead of allowing myself to stop, to breathe, and to realise that I don’t have to be limited by time and that I will be able to complete my work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give power to the believe system within me, to believe that when something is being done, and there is a break point within the flow of time whilst this task is being done, that the task will not be done adequately or correctly.

Day 7 – The Extraordinary Experience, Part 3

When and as I see myself creating new fixed points in time for new experiences or anything I want to attach emotions/feeling to which I can refer back later, I stop, I breathe and slow down the moment, to see the pattern playing out, and realising this is only a program, through this understanding I realise that it is an emotion/feeling which creates polarity within self, and I should not give my power/energy to this emotion/feeling, through it is not real.

When and as I see myself creating a storage place within my mind from the experience or event that is taking place, I stop, I breath, and slow down the moment to see the pattern playing out, and realise this is only a program, and through this understanding I realise that by following this pattern will have a negative effect within me, and I should not give my power towards creating this place within me for future references, so I stop and breath.

When and as I see myself living out past emotions and feelings about a similar event I stop and breathe. I realize that my participation within this pattern will hinder me within the moment and give me a setback effect of disillusionment.

When and as I see myself finding myself being bored with what I do, I stop, and breathe. I realise that by finding what I do uninteresting or boring im busy referring back to the past, and projecting into the future, meaning I am not here, and in the now.

When and as I see myself creating and extraordinary event within my life, as the moment/event took place, I stop and breathe. I realise by doing this, I will create an illusionary world wherein I will be able to live, but with setbacks, known as disillusionment.

When and as I see myself referencing my past and future, I stop and breathe. I realise that by referencing my past and future with the present will never allow me to enjoy myself with what I am doing, and always have a judgmental mind, with back chat.

When and as I see myself giving power to the pattern where I reference my past and future, to the present, I stop and breathe. I realise that by giving away my power to the system will only make it stronger and this make it more complex for me to release myself from this pattern.

When and as I see myself living in separation with myself, and the reality of now, by being in the past, I stop and breathe. I realise that by being separated with myself and the reality creates an illusion where in I live, where I can never be in the moment, or be able to stand as one and equal.

 Commitments

I commit myself to release these fixed points through realising that I am the creator of these emotions/feeling and that I should not give my power to it, to be able to screw me over later in time.

I commit myself to release the pattern through breathing, and to realise it is only a program.

I commit myself to embrace the emotions and feelings, and to walk them through as one and equal, to experience it at full, to be able to let go, as one, as equal.

I commit myself to live in the moment of now, through breathing in everything I do, to be able to do it at my utmost potential.

I commit myself to live in oneness and equality to accept the reality as it is in this moment of time, in the present, to realise the past is long gone and that I live there no more, but only here and now.

The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle

I hereby commit myself to live the following principles

1. Realising and living my utmost potential

2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others

6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own

9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me

10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE

11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone

12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves

14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one

15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.

16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come

17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth

18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.

19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath

20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me

21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without

22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth