Day 32 – Limitations Through Tiredness

I have realised yesterday after a very long day out with work, that I am limiting myself in such a clever but, stupid way. I limit myself through recording my hours that I am not home, doing what I want to do.

Let’s say I go out 8 of the clock in the morning, and come back home again at 8 of the clock, then I have recorded myself to be out for 12 hours, and then I tell myself that I am tired now, I want to rest now, not do anything but rest. Meaning watching series, browsing the web or just play a simple game, not even a real game like an RPG, or FPS, because I am tired, and need to rest myself, whereas I think these games will take too much energy, really Julian?

So this limitation goes on with not only games, it was only an example, but also with everything else I do. I tell myself that I am too tired to work on my Wed Development Project that I have, postponing it to the next day thinking that I will have the energy then, whereas this pattern will just repeat and I will be tired again.

The best part is, I am actually not even tired, I just tell myself this so I will look tired (and then get tired because of this thought) so that other people can see I am tired, and then they realise I am tired where they can say to themselves... “Hey, Julian had a long day of work because look at him he’s tired, so we can excuse him for not doing whatever responsibility he has.” In this instance, my responsibilities are to continue with my Web Development Project and my writings (blog) as I am doing right now.

This thought of tiredness that I send out, limits me, no one else, I’m just busy fooling myself, not even the people around me because they know the principles, they know the limitations and patterns that play out, and know that I have to work on this, push through this and do my part, as an example of living life to the fullest of my potential, as one and as equal.

To basically stop this limitation, to stop thinking that I am tired, to stop procrastination and postponement of my responsibilities, to stand as one and as equal with these creations, systems, patterns and limitations that I have created, and from that point on, change where needs to be changed, to become and effective human being, delivering my utmost potential as life.

Get a move on, for more info on memories and thoughts, visit: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Day 19 – Music & Ego, Part 3

When and as I see myself creating a reality/illusion within the form of a memory in my mind while listening to music, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is only the ego within my mind, my self-interest, and that it is not reality, where as I support myself within this point through breathing and bringing myself back to the physical reality of now.

When and as I see myself creating barriers between me and my friends/family/girlfriend or whoever I may come into contact with, within this memory, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is only a memory that my mind has made up, it is not real, supporting myself through breath, realising each and everyone is equal.  

When and as I see myself denying the fact that life has moved on, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the past is long gone, the memories that I have not made as a teenager are also long gone, and cannot be new “made up Memories” within my mind as this takes me out of the physical reality of now and instead creates illusion, realising this I can stand as one and equal with the made up memories of me being young and free, and from this point on direct myself within the breath, the moment, as the physical reality, here.

When and as I see myself desire the perfect girl to have as my girlfriend, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is only a mind construct, believe and there is no such thing as a perfect someone just for you, and to realise we are all equal, with the support of the breath, in the moment of here as the physical reality.

When and as I see myself thinking that I am special in some way or another, I stop and I breathe. I realise my ego is creating separation within myself and the reality around me, hindering my experience with the environment and the people around me.

When and as I see myself being trapped within myself and not being able to escape, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is only my mind holding me back, and by this realisation an understanding I support myself through breathing, and bringing myself back to the physical reality of the here and now.

When and as I see myself fearing what others might think of me whenever I speak up, or do something, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the thoughts other people have about me are just thoughts, nothing real as of the fact that a thought within itself is just a thought and as an end result, does not need fearing.

When and as I see myself defying myself based on the words of others, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is abuse towards myself, self-abuse, change myself into someone for who I am not and basically living a lie.

When and as I see myself feeling depressed, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is just emotions based on past events which is not real, and that I am giving power to it and allowing it to control me, and through doing this I am busy disabling myself, not being able to be expressive within the moment, as here and not.

When and as I see myself being controlled by my ego, and the song I am listening to, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is only a song with music and lyrics, and the emotions/memories attached to it is my own doing, and through this understanding, I take responsibility for self and what I have created and from this point on forward, within the breathe I direct myself to be here, in the physical reality, with the realisation that the ego is not real, only that of which I can see and feel with my physical being is.

I commit myself to stand as one and equal with the emotions/attachments within this made up memory of mind, and from this point forward, to direct myself to breathe, and to release to let it go.

I commit myself to live in the physical reality of now, in the breath, to see and realise that I am one and equal with my surroundings, and the people I am in contact with.

Day 16 – Is this the Real Life or an RPG? Part 3

When and as I see myself creating an illusion within my mind, which I experience as “real” I stop and I breathe. I realise that it is only an illusion, and my reality is here at the moment as what I see it with my physical eyes, which means I embrace the place and the people around me, as real, physical reality.

When and as I see myself creating little boxes for people to identify them with, as higher, lower, or equal to me, I stop and I breathe. I realise that we all have the equal chance to live this life within the moment that is here and now in the physical reality, with no separation, groupings, and little boxes/levels to identify each other.

When and as I see myself experiencing a moment where no one and nothing is real, a moment of me separating myself from reality, I stop and I BREATHE. I realise that this is just an illusion, and this experience is the actually experience that is not real, so I assist and support myself through breathing and bringing myself back to the physical reality what is here and now.

When and as I see myself creating a barrier between me and reality, I stop and I breathe. I realise this is my mind playing its part in self-interest, wanting to separate itself from the moment of here, I support and assist myself through breathing bringing me back to the physical reality.

When and as I see myself limiting my reality with exploring the environment around me, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is just a pattern/program running, and through this understanding I support and assist myself through breathing, and directing myself towards a “goal” of what to explore within the environment through observing it with my physical eyes.

When and as I see myself limiting myself by being shy, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is just a pattern within my mind, and through this understanding I direct myself within the moment of breath, to open my mouth and to speak/say whatever I need to get across to the other person.

When and as I see myself fear for the reaction I might get out of the person whom I am communicating with, I stop, I breathe. I realise that this fear is not real, and whatever the reaction will be from this person, will not hurt/hinder me, except for when and if I allow it.

When and as I see myself defying myself by what others think of me, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the thoughts they have about me is obsolete, it is no use to me, or may influence me except for if I allow it to.

When and as I see myself getting stuck within reality, being stationary within the moment, I stop and I breathe. I realise that I am not moving, I am not Directing myself to the point where I need to be, so I assist myself within the moment of breath, to accept the challenge and responsibility to move myself, to stand up and do what I have to do.

I commit and allow myself to free the people I capture within my little prisons within my mind, to be able to be see them as my one and my equal.

I commit and allow myself to be just here, in this moment, to be aware of my environment, the people within and to realise, this is real, this is the physical reality and that I am alive, just as them.

I commit and allow myself to explore, to set myself a ‘goal’ within the moment of breath, then to stand up and direct myself towards my goal I have set through observing my environment and reality I am experiencing NOW.

I commit and allow myself to speak up when spoken to, to speak up when words are in the need of crossing my lips to communicate effectively, bold but respectful toward my equal.

Day 15 – Is this the Real Life or an RPG? Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a random illusion within my mind, where I see everybody as objects or non-living organisms and separating myself from the physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to capture people and their everyday lives into a tiny prison, separating them from me and my reality, seeing them as unimportant as they are just doing whatever they are busy with, thinking it has no influence on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like nothing around me is real, no one is real, and that my reality is fake, and not here, meaning I am not living within the moment, as here in the physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe no one is real, except for me, and thus separating myself from them, and reality. Creating a barrier between me and them, and classifying myself above them for I am the only living person here, creating an inequality within me, and towards other people.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by this narrator, which is me and my system, patterns and programs running me, or actually just killing me, separating me from reality and the moment of now.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to experience disillusionment after the illusion has taken place, not bringing me back to the moment of here, in the physical reality, but deeper into my mind, and my systems running this mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself, for not going out into this world and explore, and see what’s new out there, to live, and take each moment as it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be shy, to not want to speak up because I fear what their reaction may be, even thou I know that no one will “bite” or hurt me, by just speaking a few words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back from talking to strangers, because I fear they may not like me, or reject me, influencing my way of how I “think” about myself, whilst this is also a system within me, powered by me.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others may think of me, creating a reaction within me, where I would retract myself from speaking up, or being bold, in the moment as here and as now, to be able to just talk, and enjoy the conversation of a stranger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am only a computer (RPG) game/character, and that I am in a stationary position, only capable of doing what my “coding (Software)” tells me I can do.

Day 14 – Is this the Real Life or an RPG?

Is this world I’m born into a massive Role Playing Game (RPG) or is this the physical reality/real life (Something I haven’t realised within myself yet)? This question would pop up after I have had a random illusion within my mind, when seeing the world around me, seeing people doing their “thing”, being “themselves” and continuing with their everyday lives, like someone or something told them to do so.

In this moment (The illusion) I would experience a feeling where I would feel like nothing I see or observe in my environment is real, the people are not real, the objects and world around me is not real, nothing is REAL, but me – my mind/conscious.

The people I see, they seem to be Non-Player Characters (NPC) in this game I am playing. The objects around me are designed out of pixels, and 3D models with animations attached to them, with no one controlling these NPC’s but the story teller (The Narrator, who the fuck is this narrator, anyone?), I’d say the narrator is the systems running within each and everyone’s mind, telling them to do what and when. Systems created by themselves/parents/friends/environment etc.

After all of this, in the state of disillusionment, and after asking the question, I would go further and ask myself... if this life is an RPG (as my experience just now would suggest), why am I still sitting here in an office, or in my home, or at the mall doing nothing but the ordinary thing 95% of our population does? Why don’t I go out there and explore, why don’t I strike up a random-ass conversation with the one next to me like in an RPG, creating a new contact/friend/partner/companion, or go out in the wild and explore nature, or just do my own thing through expressing myself?

Why do I limit myself like this? Then I realise, at this moment I AM only an RPG character just like everyone else out there who I see doing their “own thing” each and every day. The difference is I am more like an NPC within this RPG. We as humans are programmed with limited software; we only have a few patterns and programs running within this software (the mind) to get us through life, without realising that we are not even living one day of our lives.

Within this ‘separation of reality’ experience I just had, I have to realise that this RPG (game) should be uninstalled", and be re-written within my life to be able for me (and everyone else) to LIVE each day, within each moment, as here and as now in the physical reality.

Be one and equal.

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