Day 15 – Is this the Real Life or an RPG? Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a random illusion within my mind, where I see everybody as objects or non-living organisms and separating myself from the physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to capture people and their everyday lives into a tiny prison, separating them from me and my reality, seeing them as unimportant as they are just doing whatever they are busy with, thinking it has no influence on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like nothing around me is real, no one is real, and that my reality is fake, and not here, meaning I am not living within the moment, as here in the physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe no one is real, except for me, and thus separating myself from them, and reality. Creating a barrier between me and them, and classifying myself above them for I am the only living person here, creating an inequality within me, and towards other people.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by this narrator, which is me and my system, patterns and programs running me, or actually just killing me, separating me from reality and the moment of now.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to experience disillusionment after the illusion has taken place, not bringing me back to the moment of here, in the physical reality, but deeper into my mind, and my systems running this mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself, for not going out into this world and explore, and see what’s new out there, to live, and take each moment as it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be shy, to not want to speak up because I fear what their reaction may be, even thou I know that no one will “bite” or hurt me, by just speaking a few words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back from talking to strangers, because I fear they may not like me, or reject me, influencing my way of how I “think” about myself, whilst this is also a system within me, powered by me.

I forgive myself for I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others may think of me, creating a reaction within me, where I would retract myself from speaking up, or being bold, in the moment as here and as now, to be able to just talk, and enjoy the conversation of a stranger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am only a computer (RPG) game/character, and that I am in a stationary position, only capable of doing what my “coding (Software)” tells me I can do.

Day 14 – Is this the Real Life or an RPG?

Is this world I’m born into a massive Role Playing Game (RPG) or is this the physical reality/real life (Something I haven’t realised within myself yet)? This question would pop up after I have had a random illusion within my mind, when seeing the world around me, seeing people doing their “thing”, being “themselves” and continuing with their everyday lives, like someone or something told them to do so.

In this moment (The illusion) I would experience a feeling where I would feel like nothing I see or observe in my environment is real, the people are not real, the objects and world around me is not real, nothing is REAL, but me – my mind/conscious.

The people I see, they seem to be Non-Player Characters (NPC) in this game I am playing. The objects around me are designed out of pixels, and 3D models with animations attached to them, with no one controlling these NPC’s but the story teller (The Narrator, who the fuck is this narrator, anyone?), I’d say the narrator is the systems running within each and everyone’s mind, telling them to do what and when. Systems created by themselves/parents/friends/environment etc.

After all of this, in the state of disillusionment, and after asking the question, I would go further and ask myself... if this life is an RPG (as my experience just now would suggest), why am I still sitting here in an office, or in my home, or at the mall doing nothing but the ordinary thing 95% of our population does? Why don’t I go out there and explore, why don’t I strike up a random-ass conversation with the one next to me like in an RPG, creating a new contact/friend/partner/companion, or go out in the wild and explore nature, or just do my own thing through expressing myself?

Why do I limit myself like this? Then I realise, at this moment I AM only an RPG character just like everyone else out there who I see doing their “own thing” each and every day. The difference is I am more like an NPC within this RPG. We as humans are programmed with limited software; we only have a few patterns and programs running within this software (the mind) to get us through life, without realising that we are not even living one day of our lives.

Within this ‘separation of reality’ experience I just had, I have to realise that this RPG (game) should be uninstalled", and be re-written within my life to be able for me (and everyone else) to LIVE each day, within each moment, as here and as now in the physical reality.

Be one and equal.

Next post - SF