Day 50 – Death of a Friend

A school friend passed away yesterday (2014/08/12), at the age of 22, they speculate that it was because of a heart attack. It happened while he was in the gym, where he took his last breath. When I heard the news at first I did not believe it, I read it online through a shared status message on Facebook. I thought the friend (my best friend) who shared this status was with him and just randomly decided to create a cool status for this person, until I went onto his wall to find out the truth. This was the time when I felt the shock through my body, and decided to contact my best friend to ask what happened and find more info on the situation.

Carl Maritz (Blue T-shirt)

So it was true and confirmed, and the sudden realisation that the death of a friend had passed over me. It felt unreal, untrue, and how can a person at such a young age die from a heart attack(As far as the speculations go)? It just doesn't feel right. The news was tragic, I saw him just the other day before I came to PMB, how can this be?

I did not have any deep emotional reaction (only a few days later) when I read about the news, only a shock that flows through my whole body, tapping my energy. Why I didn't have any deep emotional feelings towards this news was because of the fact that I didn't create any major friendship bonds with him, we only hanged out when the group came together, not alone as two good or best friends would. The parts where I would get massive overflow of emotions was when I would think of his best friends, and the whole group that he had spent most of his time with, and his family of course. When thinking about them and how they are suppose to be dealing with this loss. It feels unbearable..

But as we know, I have also spent time with him, had a lot of get togethers with this group of friends, having an awesome time, where we would always joke around and laugh about silly things,  we had good times together and that is what will be remember of him. It is a shame that I did not get to hang out with them more often.

So now, every time I think of this friend who had passed away (this thought is stuck in the back of my mind) there’s this blank dot in my mind, stopping me from imagining him, not being able to get a hold of him, as if there’s a disconnection between my thoughts and this person.

I knew where he worked - it was at a mall and every time I went there I would greet him, where he would talk some shit to me (meaning making jokes) and just make us laugh, now knowing that this person will not be there anymore when I do visit this mall, he will not be there, which in return by thinking about this creates a blank spot within my memory of this friend that I had, which is a deep saddening experience for me.

I wish I could be there for your farewell, Fish, thank you for the moments of joy that I had to get to experience with you over the past 5 years. May you now rest in peace.

In memory of Carl (Fish) Maritz